Looking for ESH
Hey all. I have been attending meetings this week, looking for stories of hope that would tell me that I am making the right choices as I sit here in the fog. I have settled in a very bitter place and I just can't seem to dig myself out.
My AH has been sober (as far as I know) for 5 days. Yesterday, he came home from work about 3 hours late. I smelled "something" but could have just been what I was expecting and then I just turned cold. I didn't say anything and just left the room. I heard him slamming things around in the kitchen and he was making himself some pasta. I mentioned that the boys just had cereal and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then he lost it. He told me that I did not respect him because I did not smile and offer him a hello when he got home. That I should have offered to make him a sandwich, didn't I know that he worked 13 hours? That the boys do not even acknowledge his presence, that I "never change" and that he just wanted to be left alone. SOooo, I did. I went to bed. I do not know what set him off. If he was drinking, maybe he just didn't want me to know so he wanted me to use boundaries. If he wasn't drinking, is he just going through withdrawals and being a jerk?
This rollercoaster is so unpredictable...this morning I got up because I heard him start his truck and drive off. He left a note that he would be right back. He came back with things for me to make breakfast for the boys. He hugged me and told me to have a good day. SO CONFUSING!
I do not know what to do anymore. I have places to go but I do not know why I have to turn my life upside down for his crazy. I am looking through the abuse links to learn how to get freedom from him. I need to go slowly and make a good plan. Is there a "witness relocation program" for people like me where I can just *poof* myself and my boys away? We are no contact with his entire family and mine would understand....
Thank you in advance for your ESH. I really appreciate your words (even the ones you think I don't want to hear) they are like a breath of fresh air (or a swift kick in the booty)
Edit- I cannot leave this open while he is home, so I will check back when I can. <3