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Old 03-16-2019, 01:57 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Looking for ESH


Hey all. I have been attending meetings this week, looking for stories of hope that would tell me that I am making the right choices as I sit here in the fog. I have settled in a very bitter place and I just can't seem to dig myself out.
My AH has been sober (as far as I know) for 5 days. Yesterday, he came home from work about 3 hours late. I smelled "something" but could have just been what I was expecting and then I just turned cold. I didn't say anything and just left the room. I heard him slamming things around in the kitchen and he was making himself some pasta. I mentioned that the boys just had cereal and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then he lost it. He told me that I did not respect him because I did not smile and offer him a hello when he got home. That I should have offered to make him a sandwich, didn't I know that he worked 13 hours? That the boys do not even acknowledge his presence, that I "never change" and that he just wanted to be left alone. SOooo, I did. I went to bed. I do not know what set him off. If he was drinking, maybe he just didn't want me to know so he wanted me to use boundaries. If he wasn't drinking, is he just going through withdrawals and being a jerk?
This rollercoaster is so unpredictable...this morning I got up because I heard him start his truck and drive off. He left a note that he would be right back. He came back with things for me to make breakfast for the boys. He hugged me and told me to have a good day. SO CONFUSING!

I do not know what to do anymore. I have places to go but I do not know why I have to turn my life upside down for his crazy. I am looking through the abuse links to learn how to get freedom from him. I need to go slowly and make a good plan. Is there a "witness relocation program" for people like me where I can just *poof* myself and my boys away? We are no contact with his entire family and mine would understand....

Thank you in advance for your ESH. I really appreciate your words (even the ones you think I don't want to hear) they are like a breath of fresh air (or a swift kick in the booty)

Edit- I cannot leave this open while he is home, so I will check back when I can. <3
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Old 03-16-2019, 02:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
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samlynn (((((hugs)))))

Do you also clear browser history/cookies, etc? Stay safe.

My ESH is that leaving home with child strengthened me. My husband has been in and out of recovery. Living apart from an active alcoholic or one in early recovery can be very healing.
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Old 03-16-2019, 02:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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samlynnů..I think that a good next step would be for you to talk to a person, on the phone, at your local domestic violence organization....Don't let that term scare you....as there are many types of abuse and you don't have to be hit to be abused....you would still qualify for their help. It can be completely anonymous....make sure that your phone doesn't have identifying info. that your husband can access.
They can offer many different levels of assistance, and have many kinds of resources available to he,...that you may not even know about. They are very understanding, and will help you to assess your situation and help you with planning....
They are used to dealing with situations such as yours.....just tell them everything, like you have told us...
I am giving you the following number to the National Hotline...and, they can help you locate the local number for you to talk to....

Domestic Violence Hotline......1-800-799-7233
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Old 03-20-2019, 02:38 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Dandylion...thank you.
My family is getting the help we have needed for so long.
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Old Yesterday, 01:31 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samlynn View Post
Dandylion...thank you.
My family is getting the help we have needed for so long.
So good to hear Samlynn.

I wasn't married to my qualifier nor did we have children so I left the Northern Hemisphere where he lived. He actually did manage to get sober after going all the way down to doing armed robberies and spending 3 years in jail. Years after all this, he told me I did the right thing.

Peace and courage to you.
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Old Yesterday, 02:03 PM   #6 (permalink)
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samlynn, sending you hugs and support. I hope you can keep coming back to this board really often because the support and wisdom and caring that is offered here is true gold. The support and wisdom I have found here for my somewhat similar situation has helped me to find the strength - after many years - to make some important big decisions as the mother of my children and as an individual, and to overcome (a little bit at a time and i'm still working on it all the time) self-doubt, second-guessing, and denial. I wish you inner peace, strength, and safety as you move ahead.
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