Iris,
I fully understand the way you're feeling just now about everything. Sometimes it seems that it's just too big a mountain to climb and you don't really even know where to start but you have to get help for yourself. It's horrible you're going through this with no support but please seek the help you're needing. I think we all feel kind of helpless as we can only talk to you through this.
I struggle with the same thoughts as you about not being good enough but really it's so not you - it's him. Please do not start thinking those thoughts.
Iris, I can't say this enough - for both your sake and baby's please reach out to the people who are able to help you.