Iris.....I understand how you feel. Realistically, I didn't expect you to say that you are floating on a happiness cloud...lol. I have had newborns, before, and at less that 3wks...I remembering feeling tired and sleepy and wanting more than 24hrs.in a day....
The idea is to make progress, a little, each day....and, getting through each day is calling a victory.
Of course, it is no secret, now, that this involves baby steps and getting the kind of help that you need from those who do understand and are in a position and attitude of helping you, toward that goal....
Having said that...it IS o.k. to say that you feel horrible, if you are feeling horrible....you do need to be honest, and I am glad that you are doing so....
And, I realize that you are more than just "tired" from recently giving birth.....I believe that you are suffering from anxiety/depression, exacerbated by your personal situation....and, made worse by relative isolation....
Believe me, when I say that these are all treatable and can be changed....
It doesn't have to always feel like this.....