needshelp111

So in early March I changed jobs and had to move to a new city. Before I moved I said a new city, new me. No more bs things like calling in to drink or taking too many sick days.
So the move went well but I brought the old habits of having beers after work with me. I had stopped but the stress and the change pushed it out again. My new bosses were super cool and helped me so much. They drove me back to my old city so I could work for 2 days, then I traveled to the new city on Tuesday night.
Got to my new job on Wed. with no problems. A bit tired but I was there and ready to teach. Everything was fine until Wed. night and old habits come back hard. So I woke up at like 3 am in a new place and what does my brain thing is a good idea? Have a few beers so I can sleep again.
So I wake up to go to work bc I work 2nd shift and I think it's a great idea to lie and say I had something important to do. What does my brain thing to do? Go get some beers.
The next day I come in and feel like a worthless sack. Hungover and tired. Everyone is being nice but I feel like a rejected puppy. The boss yelled at me for dodge calls but I knew I was trashed and would have given the game away.
So how do I spend my weekend? You guessed it. Wasted and got nothing done. But on Sunday night something snapped. I bought some beers to drink, but then I poured them out. I said I don't want to be like this anymore. Monday is going to be my first day of being a sober person. Monday and Tuesday go fine but then on Tuesday night, I started seeing my job being posted online. Not just posted but spammed and it's mine. Full on the same ad I used to get this one.
Now panic sets in. A full out panic attack hits that I'm getting fired. Now, if you don't know, your job in Korea pays for your housing. I have 2 dogs and a cat so it's hard to find living places. Esp on short notice for me. So if I get booted I'm homeless and nearly busted on money.
I write my FU to booze going over all the bad things I've done to drink or jobs lost bc of it. I can't sleep all night but I don't drink. Not going to compound the problem with booze.
I wake up Wednesday morning and I am convinced I'm getting fired. Like cold sweats and racing heart. I'm thinking to myself, 2nd-day bs has got me. I call everyone I can to plan for the inevitable dismissal. My mom is the voice of reason and is like go talk to them.
I spine up and do that. Guess what? They are looking for another teacher in Sept. I mean I was in full tears begging them not to fire me. She told me she is happy with my teaching and the kids like me.
Wow, from full-on fear to relieve was amazing.
Wednesday goes by without a problem and I buy some earplugs to sleep (different problem). And here we are. Thursday (4th day) without demon's **** (DP) and I'm excited to go to work. I think I'll reread my FU to booze for the next 2 weeks just to keep these feelings fresh. Thanks for reading. NH