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Old 03-13-2019, 07:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
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My week and 1/2 of hell.


So in early March I changed jobs and had to move to a new city. Before I moved I said a new city, new me. No more bs things like calling in to drink or taking too many sick days.
So the move went well but I brought the old habits of having beers after work with me. I had stopped but the stress and the change pushed it out again. My new bosses were super cool and helped me so much. They drove me back to my old city so I could work for 2 days, then I traveled to the new city on Tuesday night.
Got to my new job on Wed. with no problems. A bit tired but I was there and ready to teach. Everything was fine until Wed. night and old habits come back hard. So I woke up at like 3 am in a new place and what does my brain thing is a good idea? Have a few beers so I can sleep again.
So I wake up to go to work bc I work 2nd shift and I think it's a great idea to lie and say I had something important to do. What does my brain thing to do? Go get some beers.
The next day I come in and feel like a worthless sack. Hungover and tired. Everyone is being nice but I feel like a rejected puppy. The boss yelled at me for dodge calls but I knew I was trashed and would have given the game away.
So how do I spend my weekend? You guessed it. Wasted and got nothing done. But on Sunday night something snapped. I bought some beers to drink, but then I poured them out. I said I don't want to be like this anymore. Monday is going to be my first day of being a sober person. Monday and Tuesday go fine but then on Tuesday night, I started seeing my job being posted online. Not just posted but spammed and it's mine. Full on the same ad I used to get this one.
Now panic sets in. A full out panic attack hits that I'm getting fired. Now, if you don't know, your job in Korea pays for your housing. I have 2 dogs and a cat so it's hard to find living places. Esp on short notice for me. So if I get booted I'm homeless and nearly busted on money.
I write my FU to booze going over all the bad things I've done to drink or jobs lost bc of it. I can't sleep all night but I don't drink. Not going to compound the problem with booze.
I wake up Wednesday morning and I am convinced I'm getting fired. Like cold sweats and racing heart. I'm thinking to myself, 2nd-day bs has got me. I call everyone I can to plan for the inevitable dismissal. My mom is the voice of reason and is like go talk to them.
I spine up and do that. Guess what? They are looking for another teacher in Sept. I mean I was in full tears begging them not to fire me. She told me she is happy with my teaching and the kids like me.
Wow, from full-on fear to relieve was amazing.
Wednesday goes by without a problem and I buy some earplugs to sleep (different problem). And here we are. Thursday (4th day) without demon's **** (DP) and I'm excited to go to work. I think I'll reread my FU to booze for the next 2 weeks just to keep these feelings fresh. Thanks for reading. NH
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Old 03-14-2019, 06:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Today was a rough day, but no beers after work. Spent the morning looking for a place to dry clean some **** but nobody would do it. Simcard on my phone is not working and the taxi couldn't get me to work. Stressed but no beers and I'm loving it. Went to Emart for stuff and bought some fajitas and pork. A1 steak sauce and it's on babycakes. Food coma for me. A perfect way to end my day after work. NO demon's ****
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Old 03-14-2019, 06:28 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Your doing so well needshelp. In the early days I tried to change up my daily routine, kept busy, came on here every day and posted and/or read. I also joined the class of the month which gave me support from people who were at the same point in their sobriety as I was.
I also ate buckets of ice-cream which helped with the cravings.
Be kind to yourself and take it a day at a time .
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Old 03-14-2019, 05:28 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Your doing so well needshelp. In the early days I tried to change up my daily routine, kept busy, came on here every day and posted and/or read. I also joined the class of the month which gave me support from people who were at the same point in their sobriety as I was.
I also ate buckets of ice-cream which helped with the cravings.
Be kind to yourself and take it a day at a time .
Thanks for this.
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Old 03-14-2019, 05:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Day 5: I woke up a bit tired and early but oh well. Feel great but could use a nap. I have time to take one before work so I might do that. Another great day without Demon's **** but Friday nights are a trigger.
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Old 03-14-2019, 05:51 PM   #6 (permalink)
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it might help if you changed your friday nights, the routine.
so that instead of ďbeing without ď you have something different planned entirely.
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Old 03-14-2019, 07:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I hope you have someone in the real world who you can share this with. I am a big believer in AVRT, but you need other people to get through this process.

Keep posting here. We're listening.

Also see if you can focus on the positive. It's not just that you won't be fired, it's that you'll be MUCH better at your job without booze. You will feel better, look better, and BE better.

If you're doing AVRT, or some form of it, you are no longer a drinker now. And never will be again. That's how it works.

But keep talking.
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Old 03-15-2019, 06:18 AM   #8 (permalink)
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it might help if you changed your friday nights, the routine.
so that instead of ďbeing without ď you have something different planned entirely.
For sure, but I don't know people in this city yet and drinking is a big part of ESL teachers Friday's. Don't worry, I'm not drinking alcohol today. I am having a beer but with zero booze in it. Why? I like the taste tbh.
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Old 03-18-2019, 05:44 AM   #9 (permalink)
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What a weekend. I did some much and I wasn't tired at work today. I did get some bad inflammation in my knee but it's gone now. I knew I'd get a gout attack since it's happened each time I quit but I want this one to be the last one ever. I did drink some no booze beers so I wonder if they caused it. I guess I can't drink beer not matter if it has dp's or not. Oh well, life is good now. I hope your no booze life is good as well.
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Old 03-18-2019, 07:34 PM   #10 (permalink)
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needshelp111

Now that Ive stopped drinking , I try to not get any of my calories from liquids. Its hard cuz all that sugar I used to show in my face .
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Old 03-18-2019, 07:44 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Iím glad I followed advice and stayed away from NA beer. I think it was the last remnant of my AV telling me I wanted just the taste. I think itís good to stay away from in early recovery. Iím not going to knock anyone who drinks it though. Many people have no problems. Good work on making it through the weekend!!
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Old 03-19-2019, 05:11 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Iím glad I followed advice and stayed away from NA beer. I think it was the last remnant of my AV telling me I wanted just the taste. I think itís good to stay away from in early recovery. Iím not going to knock anyone who drinks it though. Many people have no problems. Good work on making it through the weekend!!
I don't think it was a bad idea. I didn't mind the taste at all. Not getting drunk was the best part. But I don't blame someone who doesn't want to drink it. It wasn't that hard to get over the weekend. I had one thought of drinking but then I was like well, time to take the dog to the vet. Now the other dog, then a nap and played some games with friends. Then Sunday my knee was hurting so I laid in bed most of the day.
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