In my final days of drinking, for many days, really, I never felt better after a drink. I was just satisfying my impulse and habit. I would go to sleep after a few beers and maybe wake up the next time and do it again. No satisfaction, only the idea that I had to do it again. Why? Because my AV was the only thing I could hear, and despite becoming more depressed and feeling ill (at ease and physically), that's what addicts do. We just start over again until we know and truly desire we have to stop.
If you are acting on impulse, get rid of the proximate poison. When I had alcohol available to me at hand's reach, I took it regardless of how I felt. I wouldn't go shopping if I felt the desire to drink, and that was helpful. Being dry and substance free for a while is a big step to take, how do you think you can accomplish that for even a number of days, and are you ready to do so?
I know that I cannot drink. I know that is true because of how it makes me act and feel. I don't pick up because of these consequences, for me it is an immoral (not in a religious sense but on an ethical basis) choice to drink. It is very clear, based upon a fact, with evidence to back it up, I cannot drink, ever.
That's a very satisfying place to be once you get beyond the compulsion to pick up. I still have to remind myself of this all the time. Others here have attained a point where they simply live it without the push and pull of an AV regularly there telling them otherwise. It's the right thing to do and a better way to live.
I will always be an alcoholic, but I have a choice on whether to behave as one or not. How averse to potential misbehavior I will be is up to me. I'm getting a lot of help along the way to achieve my aim, I wouldn't be here if it was simply a set of axioms to follow, it's more than rules based, for me.
Life is too messy for us to be alone, and thankfully we are not.