Thank you everyone. He has been extra manipulative today. He doesn’t like that I am standing my ground and not backing down on my boundaries and not accepting his blame, guilt or threats. I have lived with his chaos for over 12 years now. Our children are 12, 11, 9 and 7. Old enough now to understand that he has a disease that he needs to fight everyday to be well. I want them to see a calm in me and the household. Each day that I get through makes me stronger and empowers me not to rescue and fix the situation. I have been fixing and trying to control for years. I have started the book “codependency no more” on recommendations from all of you and I am astounded by it’s truth in my life. My self worth is so low, I have become invisible in my own world, I do not take care of myself, trust my own feelings and thoughts. I am finding myself withdrawing more and more. This disease has taken away so much from me and my family and I will stand my ground and not let it take anymore. Ha ha. I sound strong but feel so weak - I think that may be part of the process!
One day at a time here I come.