So, yesterday was my six month anniversary of being sober. And I completely forgot. Which is so weird because for weeks its all I seem to have been thinking about.
The first few months of being sober went by SOOOOO fast, it was crazy! I was on this weird emotional spectrum of being so happy one moment and being so depressed the next. I saw the beauty of being sober...and also the sadness. I couldn't hide behind drinking anymore, I had to face my demons. And honestly, its the best thing thats honestly every happened to me. I used to read people writing that and think "ok, like being sober is great sometimes, but its not the best thing ever, its tough."
I was so wrong. I get sad and depressed, of course, but I could not be more happy with where I am. I was a mean drinker, like I'd put away a litre of vodka in one sitting once or twice a week. And now, the thoughts of being even REMOTELY out of control actually scares me. I love being in control of my body, I don't need to go back to that place.
The first few months flew by, but these last few months have slowed back to normal. I'm dealing with things I used to a long LONG time ago, over seven years. I was so looking forward to six months sober, and it came and went and I didn't even notice. At first that made me sad, but then I realised that my sobriety is starting to just be my normal life. I've started going out with friends again, to parties and nightclubs, and I just leave when I want to, when they're all messy drunk. I see the world completely differently, now to me, everyone has a drinking problem.
Everything hasn't been roses and daises, I still have an addiction problem, that rears its head in other ways, like eating bad food etc. I can see that. But that voice is gone, and my head is quiet. It's the most surreal experience. It's quiet.
Of course i still get the odd rising twinge from deep within to have a drink, but its not often, and i have so much time for myself. And to discover who I am as a person. Discover what I like. Discover a confidence. You're forced out into the world when you don't drink. It's scary, but it's amazing.
Sometimes I don't think six months is a lot, and then I think it's been the longest six months of my life thinking back. I look back at my life before with some regret still, the time I wasted, but playing catch up has brought its own rewards.
To all those who are starting this journey, keep at it, you have so much ahead of you! And to those who are ahead of me on this journey, I hope to be there one day!
Looking forward to the future!
