trailmix and OpheliaKatz..
thank you! that is just the kind of clear headed input I was looking for.
No, I would not let him come stay if I had any other house guest (or none)-- and it is enlightening to realize they say they'd rather be sleeping in the cold than go to an air B & B.
I guess I also thought this morning (after a good night's sleep) that my niece has the resources to solve this, she just doesn't want to spend her money.
If she wants to marry this guy (they had planned to marry 2/22 except they were fighting too much to make it to the courthouse), then they better get used to helping each other out because they both have their fair share of dysfunction.
They are both in their late 30's and my 18 year old nephew who dropped out of school is doing better than either one of them. Time to grow up.
Thanks again for your comments - It helps me a lot!