Originally Posted by
Finalround 
I'm not an alcohol dependant mother with children, I'm a dad. Hope you find my input just as helpful.
You described me to a "T". Even your choice beverage. The rum and cokes. Same scenario. I do the cooking in my home and wife typically works nights. Work all day, get home and prepare dinner (I love to cook), get kids fed, kitchen cleaned, sipping, then drinking my c&c's. Kids to bed, raid the leftovers and eat way too much and finally passing out to a miserable nights sleep. Waking frequently anxious and heart racing. Get up the next morning just to start over not remembering where the last part of the evening went.
I can tell you this. You only think you don't feel that bad in the morning. I've had a few months sober and I realized how sick I really was.
I also realized that although I was there in the house cooking and taking care of my home and children, I wasn't really THERE. And they notice it. Especially when they got a taste of a sober dad. You become much more engaged in their day.
I'm not going to make comments on your plans to moderate, but just don't drink today.
If you make an honest list of the pros and cons of drinking, it will look a lot like mine I'm sure.
Pros: the initial buzz. Cons: everything else
Thank you everyone for your wise words...especially you Finalround. I totally wasn't thinking when I typed 'moms' I totally mean parents and I apoligize for that. Finalround, your reply gave me butterflies, to know you are were so similar to where I am now, & by C&C did you mean captain & coke, because that is me too! & guys, by cutting down to weekends that was my first goal, then I was going to cut that out too, so sorry about not claifying. I failed tonight, ended up drinking. It was the worse it was in awhile because I think I was angry with myself for not being able to not pour that drink, and I took it out on my husband. He's not home and I sent him terrible messages about being away and how I wish I never met him, how I'm raising the kids myself. So yeah, here I am, at an hour where I should be fast asleep, just read the evil messages I sent to my husband - which I barely remember doing and don't remember how I got upset in the first place. I think I have resentment because he lives a hotel life all week while I do all the parenting - I try to stay positive but I surely made up for that tonight. Ugh, I'm sorry everyone that I failed, mainly for my kids. I love them so much, if I keep going down this road what kind of mother will they have? One to be ashamed of? Like you guys, I'm a good person with a good heart with a dependency on this thing. This forum introduced me to the concept of 'AV - Alcoholic Voice'. I think the key to help me battle this thing is to really recognize it and learn how to not give in. I might take the day off work tomorrow, call in sick and start recovery. Thanks again everyone, it means the world to me that you all took the time to offer your support.