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Day 1

Old 02-26-2019, 03:12 AM
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Day 1

Hi everyone, I have been reading this forum for quite sometime but this is my first post. Here I am again, after waking though the night with mild anxiety from the alcohol I drank the evening before, first thought in my mind was 'I'm not drinking tonight' which happens often. However, by the time I get of work and get home at suppertime, I'm so looking forward to having a few drinks. Instead of having supper, I have rum & coke for supper and all evening. I'm a mother of 2 young beautiful children and I spend the evening happily cooking and doing chores like a mom would...except I`m sipping out of my glass all evening. They go to bed around 9, then I drink for about another hour and eat everything in sight then passout, often after being blacked out for a period of time- that is my daily routine. Their dad works away for about half the year on a rotation, so when he`s home it`s not so bad, but over the past few years I`ve went from drinking every 2-3 nights to every night. I don`t feel hung over in the morning like I should, but a little tired with anxiety from drinking, however it do feel like crap. So basically, I feel like I`m a mom who is heavily dependent on alcohol during the evenings, and I feel so happy the first few hours, but then end up pushing it and having too much. I know I am an alcoholic. This is my day 1. I want to make it to the weekend and cut out drinking on weeknights. Alcohol has wrecked havoc on my appearance, I gained a lot of weight and I just have to learn how to control it. I know I can't have just one, I need to limit drinking to once or twice a week, which will be a huge improvement from every night. I love alcohol so much, I'm going to miss it tonight for sure, but after a few nights it will get easier. I feel like without alcohol it will be awhile before I can feel happy without it. My 2 pregnancies I really missed that drink, I even avoided certain music because I would long to enjoy a drink. I'm posting this now so when I come home this evening and it hits 5:00 I will log on here and read posts to encourage me to not pour that anticipated drink. So feel free to comment everyone, I'd especially like to hear from some other alcohol dependent mothers of young children in the same boat. This is my day 1 , hopefully unlike my many other day 1s I will actually see this one though!
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Old 02-26-2019, 03:30 AM
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Welcome. I too am a mom of three and with the help of this site and AA I have been sober for over a year now. Post often and read others posts. That was very helpful to me early on. 💕
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Old 02-26-2019, 03:47 AM
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Glad you are here- do look around for support of all kinds. I will kindly say you won't find advice on moderation here - so I hope you choose to stop and explore the countless benefits of sobriety, especially for your kids as well as you.
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Old 02-26-2019, 03:54 AM
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I too was an at home mom of 2 beautiful
little ones who did the wife and mom routine
day in and day out with the reward of a lovely
glass of wine beginning at 2pm.

All it took was a family member to suggest
a moms night out and off to the races I went
to surround myself with lively folks, music,
dancing etc.

Then one night returning home at 2am I
ran off the road hitting a concrete culvert
which the EMS had to cut me out of the
wreckage spent the next 10 days in the
hospital with my puncture spleen was removed
so I wouldn't bleed to death.

Yep, how many times did I hear from
growing up that anything after midnight
was nothing but trouble. Here I thought
I had control over my drinking and my
responsibilities as a parent and yet my
addiction took over every inch of my being.


Did I learn from that lesson. No. That accident
was in Feb 1990. It took a few months to heal
quite nicely with no alcohol, and just pain meds.
When I didn't need the meds. anymore and
felt the waters was safe to go back in to drink
a nice glass of wine...…

Well, I actually picked up right where I left
off when I had my accident in Feb. Now, Im
in Aug. 1990 and right back to the lime lights
of my favorite club, music, alcohol, folks
that love to drink like me.

Yep, I returned home safely at 2am, only to
another argument and that was all needed
to take a handful f left over pain meds downed
with alcohol to make a decision to leave this
world never thinking of the consequences of
my sickness, illness, addiction.

The next morning my 2 little ones couldn't
wake me up. It took hearing the phone ringing
next to my bed which to this day could only
be my Higher Power alerting me to wake up
and answer it.


He wasn't thru with me yet and it wasn't my
time to exit this life. So thru the fog and numbness
I gathered myself, threw up all that was in my
system figuring all would blow ever. Needless to
say, family was alerted and they pulled their
resources together and summoned a court ordered
intervention where officers took me in to a hospital
for evaluation.

I passed their mind test and was told all I
had was an alcohol drinking problem and
would be kept at this hospital for 2 weeks
to be taught about my addiction and given
a program of recovery taught to me.

At 2 weeks I wasn't ready to go back to
my family inviroment as they wanted to
send me out of state longer away from my
family. Then with pleading to let me remain
where I was, id do whatever was necessary
to complete a 28 day stay with a 6 week out
patient aftercare program upon my release.

I listened, learned, absorbed and applied
the knowledge and program of recovery
on a continuous bases, following suggestion
all to the best of my human ability each day
moving forward for the past 28 yrs.

Those 28 days helped me begin to lay
down a strong solid foundation to live
my life upon and become the best, healthiest
person I could possibly be incorporating
those important tools and knowledge taught
to me from the very beginning.

Today, im retired, remarried, healthy, happy,
honest and still living my program of recovery
continuously and extremely proud of the
2 little ones I help raise into healthy, happy
adults raising families of their own.

With the help and guidance of my Higher Power
and the program of AA I can pass on my own ESH -
experiences, strengths and hopes with others
just as sooooo many have done for me over the
yrs. with gratitude and gratefulness.
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Old 02-26-2019, 05:31 AM
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I'm not an alcohol dependant mother with children, I'm a dad. Hope you find my input just as helpful.
You described me to a "T". Even your choice beverage. The rum and cokes. Same scenario. I do the cooking in my home and wife typically works nights. Work all day, get home and prepare dinner (I love to cook), get kids fed, kitchen cleaned, sipping, then drinking my c&c's. Kids to bed, raid the leftovers and eat way too much and finally passing out to a miserable nights sleep. Waking frequently anxious and heart racing. Get up the next morning just to start over not remembering where the last part of the evening went.

I can tell you this. You only think you don't feel that bad in the morning. I've had a few months sober and I realized how sick I really was.

I also realized that although I was there in the house cooking and taking care of my home and children, I wasn't really THERE. And they notice it. Especially when they got a taste of a sober dad. You become much more engaged in their day.

I'm not going to make comments on your plans to moderate, but just don't drink today.

If you make an honest list of the pros and cons of drinking, it will look a lot like mine I'm sure.

Pros: the initial buzz. Cons: everything else
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Old 02-26-2019, 05:47 AM
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I was a mom like you - cracked open the wine while making dinner, finished it (plus) before binging on food and going to bed. Did this for most of my son’s 24 years. Thought I did a decent job raising him - he’s a college graduate, heading off to grad school. He’s a decent, caring human being.

Except that we are now getting to fight our addictions together. He had a great example of nightly drinking to follow, saw his parents “successfully” maneuver through life while binging nightly. It’s no wonder he never had a chance in this area.

I’m on day 21 (and down seven pounds). He’s on day 2. His dad won’t quit drinking.

Don’t grow up to be like us.
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Old 02-26-2019, 06:52 AM
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Mom of two young kids here. I also managed to do all the mom stuff while drinking: cook, clean, homework, bedtime routine, all of it, while drinking/getting drunk.

However, if the kids didn’t go to bed at their bedtime I lost my temper. I was downright mean because if they weren’t in bed, I couldn’t freely enjoy my excessive drinking and smoking routine. My poor kids suffered too much.

I routinely got drunk, raided the fridge, vomited, woke up at 3am in an anxiety fueled panic, crawled out of bed to get my day started and dragged my way through work. Every.single.day.

I haven’t felt this way since I stopped drinking 8 months ago. The benefits of sobriety are amazing and Jeep me going down this path. I have time, energy, and patience for my kids. I sleep through the night. I have a balanced diet. I am fully available and present at work and at home. I can’t even begin to imagine bringing alcohol back into my life....there is too much to lose.
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Old 02-26-2019, 08:07 AM
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Welcome to SR and congrats on making a decision to quit GettingReady. You will never regret making that decision, I can guarantee you that as a parent myself too. Albeit not a mom, but I drank to run away from my family for many years too. Looking back it was one of the most horrendously selfish things I could have ever done, but you don't really see it that way while you are drinking. You can't change what youve done, but you can change today - and i'm glad you are seeking positive change. Lots of good advice from others but I would add that "cutting back" or moderation simply is not an option for us - if you want to be sober, it has t be all or nothing.
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Old 02-26-2019, 08:27 AM
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As a newb I won't give any advice other than put your past in the past and don't drink today and then journal how you feel the next day. Keep it somewhere near so you can refer to that whenever you feel the need to drink.

I can't do moderation, I've tried that.

Do you think your drinking is related to being alone in the evening? If so what can remedy that?
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Old 02-26-2019, 12:19 PM
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I’d be willing to bet the percentage of people who can honestly say they love alcohol is probably a shade or two either over or under 10% of drinkers.

Which isn’t that odd , because that number correlates well with the percentage of drinkers that become addicted.

Drinking comes with consequences, when you love it , like I did, it’s possible and sometimes easy to ignore them and the effects they have on those around us.

I loved it but hated the consequences, but I kept doing it anyway, until I quit full stop.

Turns out you can flat out ignore the wanting / loving it part comfortably, because the zero consequences to yourself and others part is indescribably such a better way to be.

Good luck, Rootin for ya
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Old 02-26-2019, 02:49 PM
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Originally Posted by dwtbd View Post
I’d be willing to bet the percentage of people who can honestly say they love alcohol is probably a shade or two either over or under 10% of drinkers.

Which isn’t that odd , because that number correlates well with the percentage of drinkers that become addicted.

Drinking comes with consequences, when you love it , like I did, it’s possible and sometimes easy to ignore them and the effects they have on those around us.

I loved it but hated the consequences, but I kept doing it anyway, until I quit full stop.

Turns out you can flat out ignore the wanting / loving it part comfortably, because the zero consequences to yourself and others part is indescribably such a better way to be.

Good luck, Rootin for ya
jeez! Your advice always speaks to me! Thank you! Still not drinking. Only been four days but I’m on it.
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Old 02-26-2019, 05:48 PM
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Welcome to the family. I hope our support and collective wisdom can help you get sober for good.
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Old 02-26-2019, 07:35 PM
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hey GettingReady,
i was a mom of two young kids when drinking, and just like you i had managed not to while pregnant, though already had control-issues with it before i got pregnant.
later, i was a mom with not-so-young kids when drinking, though i kept trying to control it, not by limiting the amount per evening, which i couldn’t nor wanted to, but by limiting the number of “occasions” per week.
yep, weekends only sounded like a great plan and surely wuth a bit of willpower i could...
well, by the time i understood and knew and accepted i could NOT, not with any certainty, i was a mom of two rather grown-up kids.
you say you know you are an alcoholic....and i don't know how you define that. for me, it means i cannot predictably control or limit my drinking, eith the amount ir the number of times a week. believe me, i tried.
when i understood i needed and wanted to be done for good, my kids were 28 and 30.
maybe your story will be different.
in any case, SR is not the place to look for support to reduce your drinking to weekends only, which is what you say you want.
it is definitely a good experiment for you to embark upon, and after a few weeks or months of it you will likely have a much better idea where you’re at in your relationship with drinking.
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Old 02-26-2019, 11:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Finalround View Post
I'm not an alcohol dependant mother with children, I'm a dad. Hope you find my input just as helpful.
You described me to a "T". Even your choice beverage. The rum and cokes. Same scenario. I do the cooking in my home and wife typically works nights. Work all day, get home and prepare dinner (I love to cook), get kids fed, kitchen cleaned, sipping, then drinking my c&c's. Kids to bed, raid the leftovers and eat way too much and finally passing out to a miserable nights sleep. Waking frequently anxious and heart racing. Get up the next morning just to start over not remembering where the last part of the evening went.

I can tell you this. You only think you don't feel that bad in the morning. I've had a few months sober and I realized how sick I really was.

I also realized that although I was there in the house cooking and taking care of my home and children, I wasn't really THERE. And they notice it. Especially when they got a taste of a sober dad. You become much more engaged in their day.

I'm not going to make comments on your plans to moderate, but just don't drink today.

If you make an honest list of the pros and cons of drinking, it will look a lot like mine I'm sure.

Pros: the initial buzz. Cons: everything else
Thank you everyone for your wise words...especially you Finalround. I totally wasn't thinking when I typed 'moms' I totally mean parents and I apoligize for that. Finalround, your reply gave me butterflies, to know you are were so similar to where I am now, & by C&C did you mean captain & coke, because that is me too! & guys, by cutting down to weekends that was my first goal, then I was going to cut that out too, so sorry about not claifying. I failed tonight, ended up drinking. It was the worse it was in awhile because I think I was angry with myself for not being able to not pour that drink, and I took it out on my husband. He's not home and I sent him terrible messages about being away and how I wish I never met him, how I'm raising the kids myself. So yeah, here I am, at an hour where I should be fast asleep, just read the evil messages I sent to my husband - which I barely remember doing and don't remember how I got upset in the first place. I think I have resentment because he lives a hotel life all week while I do all the parenting - I try to stay positive but I surely made up for that tonight. Ugh, I'm sorry everyone that I failed, mainly for my kids. I love them so much, if I keep going down this road what kind of mother will they have? One to be ashamed of? Like you guys, I'm a good person with a good heart with a dependency on this thing. This forum introduced me to the concept of 'AV - Alcoholic Voice'. I think the key to help me battle this thing is to really recognize it and learn how to not give in. I might take the day off work tomorrow, call in sick and start recovery. Thanks again everyone, it means the world to me that you all took the time to offer your support.
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Old 02-27-2019, 12:12 AM
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Any words of wisdom on the AV (Alcoholic Voice) anyone?
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Old 02-27-2019, 12:44 AM
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Hi and Welcome GettingReady
Yeah - don't listen to it - it has nothing you want to hear and it doesn't get a vote on anything cos what it wants is oblivion - which for us equates to self destruction.

Don't even engage with it.

D
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Old 02-27-2019, 05:04 AM
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The AV is evil, strong and irrational. The best way to combat it is to fill your time with things that it hates. Like things that are good for YOU.

Being a grown up and a parent can get very redundant and boring. We forget about the things that used to get us up in the morning. The goals we would set for ourselves, the dreams we would have. It's not too late to dream.

Get back to doing the things that you want to do. Set some goals for yourself. Short term for now. But start to dream again. Exercise of any kind is a huge help to the AV. Commit to just go for a walk outside today. Then maybe set some fitness/health goals. You mentioned the excess weight which I am very familiar with. Eating healthy will make you feel stronger and give you more energy.

There is tons of incredible insight on these forums and I am by far not the wisest, but your story is the same as mine. I too carry all the parenting and household responsibilities.

This will be a difficult journey. The beginning is hard to gain traction. But stick with us here, follow the advise, do the work. The rewards will come.

I recently had 4 super months of sobriety then recently relapsed for a week. It sucks, the idea of moderating never works for us. But, I got back to my group here and am back at it.

A happy, healthy, full life can be yours again. I'll walk with you. As will many others here. You can do this. I promise.
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Old 02-27-2019, 07:45 AM
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Learning and using AVRT( Additive Voice Recognition Technique, great thread on these ideas here on SR in the Secular recovery forum and subforums) gave me a very useful perspective on the AV.

I don't view It as evil or irrational. I see It as the way the desire for alcohol, the Beast in AVRT tries to hijack my higher functioning self into indulging the base desire.

It in and of itself isn't irrational, it is a product of what makes us tick. It is a rogue survival drive gone haywire. Like hunger , thirst or a sex drive It sends signals to influence our thinking about taking action , the 'feeling' of being thirsty is how evolution makes sure to keep us hydrated, other ' feelings' likewise direct our attention or try and influence our decision making process.

They( and It) register a lack of the thing they are geared to making sure we have is met, based on the assumption their functioning and getting us to attain it are important for our survival.

The hardwired mechanisms aren't irrational, they just do what they are 'supposed' to do maybe too well, but other 'parts' of our functioning the kind from our 'higher' or more rational selves, are there too and can/should be used
as the final arbiter, yeah ?

You may feel hungry on a road trip at say mile marker 10 but decide getting more miles into the trip before eating is more worthwhile " thanks belly , I hear ya, but we'll wait a little" You don't necessarily stop 'feeling' hungry , you just decide to not allow the immediate sensation dictate your actions to instant attainment.

Other times you maybe into a strenuous project on a sunny day and loose track of time concentrating on the task, you realize you feel thirsty and decide that it would be a good idea to hydrate.

The Beast , in AVRT, is just like that it is the desire for alcohol. IT was introduced/born at some point by experiencing the sensation of intoxication and assigning itself the task of 'making sure to get more of that'.

It 'barks' AV in our 'heads' using our own higher level thoughts and vocabularies to make us assume our higher selves are actually producing the 'want' or desire, to influence our actions in order to fulfill its raison d'etre .

The problem that arises is that alcohol is not a survival need, it's really a poison. The Beast, a rogue survival drive, doesn't know( nor does It care) that what It wants is a net negative toward mind,body and soul, IT just wants. And that's ok , IT can want all it wants, doesn't mean You need to do what It wants, it would be a net positive, in fact, if you did the exact opposite , yeah ?
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Old 02-27-2019, 08:33 AM
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Finalround you say exactly what I need to hear, I will beat this, your words mean so much, you're like me. Thank you.
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Old 02-27-2019, 06:41 PM
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How are doing tonight gettingready?
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