Day 1
Hi everyone, I have been reading this forum for quite sometime but this is my first post. Here I am again, after waking though the night with mild anxiety from the alcohol I drank the evening before, first thought in my mind was 'I'm not drinking tonight' which happens often. However, by the time I get of work and get home at suppertime, I'm so looking forward to having a few drinks. Instead of having supper, I have rum & coke for supper and all evening. I'm a mother of 2 young beautiful children and I spend the evening happily cooking and doing chores like a mom would...except I`m sipping out of my glass all evening. They go to bed around 9, then I drink for about another hour and eat everything in sight then passout, often after being blacked out for a period of time- that is my daily routine. Their dad works away for about half the year on a rotation, so when he`s home it`s not so bad, but over the past few years I`ve went from drinking every 2-3 nights to every night. I don`t feel hung over in the morning like I should, but a little tired with anxiety from drinking, however it do feel like crap. So basically, I feel like I`m a mom who is heavily dependent on alcohol during the evenings, and I feel so happy the first few hours, but then end up pushing it and having too much. I know I am an alcoholic. This is my day 1. I want to make it to the weekend and cut out drinking on weeknights. Alcohol has wrecked havoc on my appearance, I gained a lot of weight and I just have to learn how to control it. I know I can't have just one, I need to limit drinking to once or twice a week, which will be a huge improvement from every night. I love alcohol so much, I'm going to miss it tonight for sure, but after a few nights it will get easier. I feel like without alcohol it will be awhile before I can feel happy without it. My 2 pregnancies I really missed that drink, I even avoided certain music because I would long to enjoy a drink. I'm posting this now so when I come home this evening and it hits 5:00 I will log on here and read posts to encourage me to not pour that anticipated drink. So feel free to comment everyone, I'd especially like to hear from some other alcohol dependent mothers of young children in the same boat. This is my day 1 , hopefully unlike my many other day 1s I will actually see this one though!