I'm on day 62 at the moment, it's going well.
So I am still on the fence about going. I've booked my tickets and the guy organizing it still thinks I am going. The guy who is getting married knows I may not go so that's not an issue, he knows about my decision to stop drinking, but I'm so torn. On the one hand, I never see this group of people together in one place for a weekend, it just never happens that often at all, so I feel like I'll be missing out hugely. I am thinking about going back to drinking for this weekend only and then stopping again when I get back.
But I don't want to go back to day 1 again, and I know the drinking will make me feel awful, depressed and anxious and there is a chance I end up on a binge after a heavy weekend of drinking, which this will be.
When I've relapsed in the past year, it's been in a controlled environment and I've managed to get back on the sober horse easily enough just after a nights drinking, but a weekend away worries me, as I could easily let the drinking spiral out of control.
I know the sensible thing is just not to go, and it's probably what I will do, I need to text the guy organising it and let him know I will be a last minute cancellation.
Or I could just jump in a taxi on Friday and be there, but everyone will start drinking at the airport at 8am! I'm really struggling to know what to do.
One hand my brain is telling me I can do the best of both worlds, I can drink and go and have fun like everyone else, and then go back to my life as it is right now once I return on Monday, I gym, eat well, exercise, everything is going well, so I'm thinking well I could be one of those people that only drinks at big events a few times a year, then goes back to a sober lifestyle.
But I know if I go, I'll drink, and genuinely I don't want to drink. I don't want to miss out either. Everything has been work work work recently, and the one chance I get to go away with my friends and I will miss out as I don't want to drink. If only I could man up and deal with the hangovers like a normal person I'd be fine, but when I drink the next day I get an overwhelming urge to drink again to feel better, and that's where my problem continues.