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Old 02-23-2019, 06:20 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
WaterOx
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
I smoked. LOL!

I used to be a very heavy smoker. Over a pack a day for15 years. Then I quit at around 32 years of age.

At that time I had the occasional drink but I only on social occasions and never alone. About 2 years later I discovered how good wine could be and developed a taste for it and it wasn't long before I was drinking over a bottle a night.

I always liked to think of myself as not having an addictive personality but looking back on it, it seems clear I do. I was at least able to go 2 years without any apparent vice...surely that counts for something

Smoking was an attempt to avoid emotions and drinking soon became that substitute. Before that? I was frankly very unhappy but at that point I was under 18...a teenager and that seemed par for the course. What is unfortunate is I didn't allow myself to grow up as well as I could have. I was plagued by horrific self esteem issues I was unaware of- that only as of late I feel I have begun to break through.
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