one of the greatest tool the was given to me in recovery is;
"YOU CAN START YOUR DAY OVER ANYTIME YOU WANT"
So I just took the simple suggestion. I took 4-5 shower per day
or whatever times it took for me to start my day over again.
I had a lot of those painful moments at first.
I kept going back to the meetings NO MATTER WHAT.
The old timers had to really baby me. My grand sponsor
kept the fellowship/ door open almost all day. He told
me I could go to the fellowship anytime, if I didn't have a
place to go. I would go and just lay down or help clean up.
For some reason everytime I walk into the rooms of AA, I
sense that peace. So I could give myself a break from my pain
and just go lay down in the fellowship to get that peace, only
if it was just for a while.
I was so miserable..yeah I missed my ex-wife and daughter.
It's was very painful for me to stay sober. I drank myself into
oblivian for almost 2 years after our divorce. Instant blackouts
was what I wanted. I got tired of crying myself to sleep every night
after the partying and what not.
Deep down inside of me I knew wouldn't
be good to anybody in the state I was in. But I couldn't bare
the pain, especailly the last words from my ex-wife was that
she still loves me....but are you still drinking. Getting over a
women was hard, but it wasn't like I havn't done it before.
Getting over the lost of my duaghter was another whole ball of wax.
Then someone was sharing in a meeting oneday. She was crying
and said she had to put her son in GOD's hand. I didn't even beliving
in GOD at the time. I could relate to her pain, but she had pass on a
tool to me. I figure , I do the same with my duaghter and ex-wife.
In the state I was in ...God's hands would be better than mine.