Change - What, When, Where, How

Old 11-11-2005, 10:39 AM
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Change - What, When, Where, How

Hi All

I was at an AA meeting last night and a topic came up that really grabbed me - Change!.

The more I have thought about this the more it troubles me, I know I have to change my whole life around but HOW, I have never made a decision to change anything in my life ever, all the changes that have happened have always been forced, I am an alchoholic I like comfortable not change.

For those who have read my other thread know that my life is in turmoil at present, my wife has left me, I have lost my home, I have lost my sanity and have lost my faith in comfortable.

I have now been forced to make a decision to CHANGE to rest of my life, but can I do it - I have the help of some amazing people at AA but I yet to be 100% honest with myself. WHAT I have to change is me but I known me for such a long time, never been happy with me but have muddled along - WHAT if I CHANGE and no longer know myself - HOW do I change me - WHERE will I be when I've changed, happy or still sad, and WHEN do I change.

I have not had a drink for 2 whole days, maybe thats why i'm thinking a lot but just for today I will not drink.

Thanks you all
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Old 11-11-2005, 05:57 PM
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In my experience, if you are giving AA a try, the change comes from working the steps. It doesn't happen today, tomorrow or a week from now. It happens one day at a time, one step at a time. Progress, not perfection.

Hang in there--
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Old 11-11-2005, 06:34 PM
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will...not drinking that's a change.
It's a big change actually.

I can't imagin not drinking for the rest of my life...but I can do it today.
Will...then it's like this.
I can't imagin making changes for the rest of my life
but i can do it just for today.

The steps helps in process
Mmmm example...I had to give up drinking becuase I got sick of it.
Once I sobered up and my mind gets clearer , I have brain farts.
I use what i've learnd...I start giving up insanity, anger, self pity
or other self defeating/negative habits (defects of charecter).
THe same principle alppies...I love alcohol
Mmmmm....I love the insanities too !!!

Oh..trust me you won't forget who you are. trust me on this one.lol
Will...why would you want things to be like it was...wasn't it hell ?

My spiritual advisor passed this on to me.
She drew a circle about 6" in dia, then she put a dot inside the circle.
Then she said...."The dot are your defects(fear), the circle is you"
"you are so much greater than your defects"
"Stop fucusing on the bad stuff"
Just like fears...yes ??? It's an illusion, but if I focus on it,
It becomes a monster. Then we forget who we really are.

she also told me that I must not deny my defect, it's a part of me.
I'm just much, much greater than that.

So...did I really knew who I was, by living and thinking within the
dot (fear/ego) all those years ???

Recovery is ozsome!!!
It's a mind (ego) blower.
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Old 11-11-2005, 06:35 PM
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Wow!

you are thinking so soon? Great!

You have already started the change.
Not drinking and AA are positive changes.

Another 48 hours or so all the alcohol will be gone.
Your mind and body will begin to be in balamce
another super change!

Keep moving forward....the new you will be awesome!
And you will have the freedom to change again in sobriety!Blessings...
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Old 11-11-2005, 06:39 PM
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For those who have read my other thread know that my life is in turmoil at present, my wife has left me, I have lost my home, I have lost my sanity and have lost my faith in comfortable.
Sounds as if you would welcome change. I know change is scary. Don't get me wrong. Try not to over think things and freak yourself out. You are two days sober. Take things one day at a time. Change is a process and doesn't happen over night. You will be surprised by the changes that come about after you give up alcohol. It will free your spirit. Trust me...I know. My life is changing for the better. I am amazed by the miracle of it all.
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Old 11-12-2005, 02:48 AM
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Today I have one desire

Hi all,

Today is a bad day, my overwhelming desire for my wife is clouding everything at this point in time I have no desire to quit, no desire to get dressed, no desire to move on and dare I say it but of thought of what is the point in going on.

I am at a very low point emotionally and I do not see any light at the end of the tunnel just darkness, the darkness that I wish would just swallow me.

I'm sorry for this sombre mood but coping is one thing that I am not doing at the moment.
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Old 11-12-2005, 03:15 AM
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Inhell - get to a lunchtime meeting, hon. That's all you have to do today.

And don't drink beforehand - it really won't solve anything.
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Old 11-12-2005, 04:02 AM
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Too Late

Too late Minnie have drunk already, I am just full of despair, i'm being carefree but for all the wrong reasons, I couldn't even ring anyone this am because apart from my wife I worry more about other people than myself.

I am an emotional wreck and cannot cope, I hear in meetings about the great lives people are having now, Ok! I might have a new refreshed life sober - which I do want, but I will have no life without my wife, don't get me wrong I have had many messy breakups but they were all a means to an end, a bit of security, I finally find something true something so pure and perfect, something that only happens in fairytales and I throw all away.

I cannot cope with all that is happening in my life, I am only just accepting that it is not everyone elses fault it is mine, my whole life is somebody elses fault now I'm starting to get honest with myself I cant handle it.

I know I'm not the only person where I am at the moment but I cant move on, my wife has left and she say's she is not moving back to the house but she will not tell me if she wants a divorce or if she will ever come back to me.

These thoughts and feelings are so overwhelming it is pulling me apart and sending me crazy.

I have no hope
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Old 11-12-2005, 04:09 AM
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...but I will have no life without my wife.

While I absolutely know what you mean and what you feel when you say those words, I have to tell you that an emotion like that is probably generated by what's left over from the shock of the separation, and, sadly, adding alcohol to the equation today is feeding the monster. I know this, because I've done it.
I feel for you.
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Old 11-12-2005, 04:50 AM
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I will have no life without my wife
Hon, if you keep drinking, then there is no chance for a future with your wife. If you stop and get into recovery, you will show her (and you) that there is hope. All you are doing now is proving to her that she was right to leave.

I know - I have been in your wife's shoes.
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Old 11-12-2005, 05:34 AM
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Support

Thanks for everybodies words, I do find solice, I have just been messaging Dan and explained a lot of things, these are not private messages just emotional I dont think I can explain again but if Dan would be so kind to forward to anyone that wants to read then he can.

They basically sum up why I cant move in any direction at the moment but this vicious circle, hopefully the circle will break soon and I can get on with my life.

But until then I am moving house this weekend and my ISP will be disconnected on Monday, but should be back on line within 10 days, just when i'm getting to know people.

I promise myself and you all that I will stay safe in these hours of darkness.
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Old 11-12-2005, 05:38 AM
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Good luck with the move, Inhell.

And keep close to your new support in AA - people will be only too willing to give you their phone numbers. Don't forget - they've been where you are.

p.s. you could get a pay as you go connection until your other ISP is up and running. Just a thought.
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Old 11-12-2005, 08:41 AM
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It may feel as if you can't go on, but you can. Life is worth living. The most important thing you can do is to quit drinking. I know this is the perfect excuse for an alcoholic to continue to drink. Don't do it. You are hurting yourself and those that care for you. Quit drinking and move forward from there. It will take some time to sort things through. Just do it. You will bring yourself nothing but more misery if you continue to drink. I know...I've been there. It does get better. That I know for certain. Find a recovery program and start focusing on your recovery. Drinking never solved anything. It only creates chaos upon chaos. I wish you well...
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Old 11-12-2005, 09:38 AM
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one of the greatest tool the was given to me in recovery is;
"YOU CAN START YOUR DAY OVER ANYTIME YOU WANT"
So I just took the simple suggestion. I took 4-5 shower per day
or whatever times it took for me to start my day over again.
I had a lot of those painful moments at first.
I kept going back to the meetings NO MATTER WHAT.
The old timers had to really baby me. My grand sponsor
kept the fellowship/ door open almost all day. He told
me I could go to the fellowship anytime, if I didn't have a
place to go. I would go and just lay down or help clean up.
For some reason everytime I walk into the rooms of AA, I
sense that peace. So I could give myself a break from my pain
and just go lay down in the fellowship to get that peace, only
if it was just for a while.

I was so miserable..yeah I missed my ex-wife and daughter.
It's was very painful for me to stay sober. I drank myself into
oblivian for almost 2 years after our divorce. Instant blackouts
was what I wanted. I got tired of crying myself to sleep every night
after the partying and what not.
Deep down inside of me I knew wouldn't
be good to anybody in the state I was in. But I couldn't bare
the pain, especailly the last words from my ex-wife was that
she still loves me....but are you still drinking. Getting over a
women was hard, but it wasn't like I havn't done it before.
Getting over the lost of my duaghter was another whole ball of wax.

Then someone was sharing in a meeting oneday. She was crying
and said she had to put her son in GOD's hand. I didn't even beliving
in GOD at the time. I could relate to her pain, but she had pass on a
tool to me. I figure , I do the same with my duaghter and ex-wife.
In the state I was in ...God's hands would be better than mine.
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Old 11-12-2005, 10:49 AM
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Small steps walking through pain.

It can be done.
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Old 11-12-2005, 10:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Five
Small steps walking through pain.

It can be done.
I like that Mill.

Thinking back at all the times I tried to drink my pain away, it doesn't work. It only makes it worse. Move ahead in a positive light.
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Old 11-13-2005, 05:11 AM
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Thank you all for your replies, the words are heard but I wish I could leave this emotional dead end that I am in a move forward.

Yes the pain is unbearable and I am not coping at the moment but hopefully life will be better soon.

Thank you
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Old 11-13-2005, 10:55 AM
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The only way you can begin to move forward is to leave the booze behind.
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