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Old 02-21-2019, 09:39 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Evoo
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
It's hard to say because alcoholism is such a progressive addiction. Took years to hit my version of "rock bottom" in my mid to the late 20s. I was always a really high energy/ADHD kid, too, so when I tried alcohol at 19 I found it extremely calming and even euphoric. The first time I tried liquor (Crown Royal) I blacked out that night. Before that I was the same high-energy, creative person -- but I didn't really have a coping mechanism so I was a bit of an insomniac and lived on computers / AutoCAD and related hobbies.

After I discovered alcohol I used it to "calm my mind" after hours and hours of a lot of the same productive energy. It took years and years to become a big problem, but the degree to which I romanticized and idealized alcohol and its effects was problematic even then (and I quickly took to binge drinking socially). College I was very productive and a remarkably good student, but also a weekend drunk.

Then somewhere in my 20s it got bad. Still worked full time and was social, never lost a job, but I was drinking any time I wasn't working -- and drinking a lot. Also I always lived in major cities w/ public transit, so I never had to drive. All my friends were drinking buddies.

As a "moderating" adult in my 30s I kind of reverted to my high-energy, almost manic/optimistic/upbeat personality that drives my creative work and hobbies... but is very difficult to calm.

As a sober adult, the same. I have to find other ways to calm that ever-present energy. But it can *never* be alcohol.

Actually I'm not sure if anyone of this made sense .
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