It may feel as if you can't go on, but you can. Life is worth living. The most important thing you can do is to quit drinking. I know this is the perfect excuse for an alcoholic to continue to drink. Don't do it. You are hurting yourself and those that care for you. Quit drinking and move forward from there. It will take some time to sort things through. Just do it. You will bring yourself nothing but more misery if you continue to drink. I know...I've been there. It does get better. That I know for certain. Find a recovery program and start focusing on your recovery. Drinking never solved anything. It only creates chaos upon chaos. I wish you well...