If I knew why than I thought I could fix it. The solution wasn't with me, never was. My his band would become angry to. I think it was to deflect the harm he caused. If I got caught up in it then it was about me. It was never about me. It made it easier for him not us. H didn't change until he realized I wasn't going to take it anymore. Also when it happens when he's sober than it is his personality not a hangover or drinking rationalization.