Alex, posting here shows how much you want sobriety. I picked up at drink after 17 months and wanted to kill myself a few weeks ago. I had to start at day 1 and work from there.
You can do this. You have your whole life ahead of you and even though today seems impossible and you'll feel like you wont get through it, you can. Anything is possible if you want a better life and I think you do.
Peace x