Originally Posted by
xNOiSEx 
What was even stranger was that I had predicted this would happen 2 years earlier and that was part of my reason for quitting drinking - I wanted to avoid having this happen at all costs and I still failed.
When you quit drinking, you may still succumb to physical illnesses that require surgery.
Originally Posted by
xNOiSEx I just feel like we're on this planet now and we're going to die soon, which basically feels meaningless and stupid to me.
Life and death are inevitable for all living things, whether animal or plant. It's nature's design, and there is no reason "why." Meaning is strictly a human construct. Honey bees, raccoons, and oak trees, don't make a big deal out of meaning. They just go about surviving.
Humans get caught up in the meaning of life, and are influenced by the philosophers, who are thought to be deep thinkers, because they seek to understand the imponderable, which by definition, would be pointless (think about that).
Don't expect to be handed the meaning of life by an outside source like a respected philosopher, and don't expect to find it hidden in the depths of your mind. You put your own meaning into your own life and it can be anything. It might be in attaining wealth, skiing, finding love, or serving a god, or combinations of things. You won't find this meaning. You create it.
Originally Posted by
xNOiSEx That dark part of my mind would just rather have a few beers each day (I was never really a heavy drinker, just a six-pack before bed was my 'happy' place) and just dim down the fact that everything kind of sucks.
Meaning in life may revolve around a six pack of beer, and for many alcoholics it does, but I don't want that to be the meaning I put into my life. I'll bet that most alcoholics that recover, including myself, get sober to avoid that kind of meaninglessness existence. What could be more meaninglessness than drinking day after day? <AV Alert>
Originally Posted by
xNOiSEx I'm trying to prevent relapsing but my mind does not give two dumplings about it anymore.
That's your "alcoholic voice," a term that fails to address that it's really your "alcoholic mind," which is where we play our alcoholic mind games. I think you've still got a lot of recovery in front of you. You are still listening to your "alcoholic mind."