lessgravity

Thanks for asking August. It was fine. When we arrived they were late to seat us, so of course brought a round of wine for everyone. I was the only one out of eight people who refused. I find that I become very aware of this fact while it's happening. I know of course that no one else is really caring or even recognizing that I'm standing there without a glass of wine in my hands. But I am still very aware of it.
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And then when we first sat down for dinner everyone ordered a cocktail. Same feeling, more of being left out than of actually wanting to participate. And that's more the general feeling I felt by the end. I ended up having a very nice dinner and was social and had a nice time. One friend was visibly drunk by the the end. I felt no envy at being in that state.

​​​​​The main thing for me it turns out is that I used to be a drinker. Everyone at dinner last night was at least aware of this via the experience of drinking with me. No one even questioned whether I was drinking or why I wasn't drinking last night. It's a level of discomfort for me in that it's not completely open, the fact that I no longer drink. Like a Band-Aid being pulled off, I guess I want that to be out in the open and finally established for everyone.