I like what DriGuy said.
I do go to AA, but I am lucky to have found a meeting that is anything but judgmental and respects everyone's path, however they do it. It's a women's meeting, and we don't even use the Big Book. My point is, if you want the community, try different meetings, because in most places, unless you live in a REALLy small town, there is a variety. And people tend to settle into certain meetings that are comfortable for them in tone, and where they identify with the other people there.
I worked the steps, and I have a sponsor (in name anyway) but I wasn't a zealot, Like PJ said. I did the parts of the steps that resonated with me, when I was ready to do them. I agree 100% that AA CAN be overly dogmatic and operate from a place of fear, and that doesn't work for me. I take what works for me, and combine it with a bunch of other methods that work for me. I meditate, I read recovery books, I have online support here and in other places, I do some journaling. I love the community I found in AA, but there are plenty of other ways to find community if you really can't deal with AA.
Just figure out what works for you and do it.