Originally Posted by Needabreak

I'm wondering why you don't think a secure attachment style is a positive thing? I've worked hard to move from anxious to secure, and I've seen many positive changes in my life as a result.

I take it that your attachment style is Anxious? Most people with secure attachment will back off from someone who comes across as anxiously attached, and they will do it with a slow fade, just like this guy who you have been dating for the past few weeks.

You may find that your chemistry is great with people who are avoidantly attached. But they have their own attachment issues, and will start with deactivation behavior as soon as you trigger them with your anxiety.

For me, the only solution to a happier life was to work on my own attachment style and to figure out what was at the root of it. Once I really understood my own attachment style and why I was often triggered in such strange and automatic ways, I was able to move toward secure attachment.

Believe me, it's a much better place to operate from. Until you work through this stuff Glenjo, you'll just be bounced around from unhappy relationship to unhappy relationship by your triggers like a ping pong ball.

But, if you're anything like me, you won't make progress until you are just bone tired of spinning around in your own thought processes. I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing 20s? Took me till my late 40s to value these insights.

Jeb Kinnison has a very useful site on attachment issues. Google attachment type jeb kinnison. They have a forum that I found very helpful too.