So I’m not sure if this will be helpful for you in your situation, or if this will be relatable to you at all, but I observed something recently and thought I’d share just in case.
I have a friend who is involved with someone who struggles with addiction. Not alcohol in this case, but opioids/ heroin. He’s the victim/ boy who cried waif type, where she ends up feeling sorry for him; his past and his general situation. Yet he ends up getting money out of her, and whatever consequences she suffers as a result of being involved with him, somehow all seem to end up on her. A history of some rather severe ones, actually. All the while, she’s bending over backwards trying to understand him and where he’s coming from, constantly forgiving even major transgressions.
Yet the other week, when she had a strong reaction to something he did, and maybe lashed out a little over the top (which honestly a complete cut off of contact is what I personally thought he deserved, and has deserved way before this incident), do you know what happened?
Allllll of a sudden he became clear and lucid, and set a boundary down with her about her behavior. Not that it’s healthy to get caught up in tit-for-tat bs, and that he can’t have boundaries..but I just found it interesting that supposedly he’s so impaired, and there’s always some excuse as to why he’s treating her badly or behaving the way he is; lying, left her hanging for extended periods of time and all of this other crap. Yet when it comes to him and his feelings, all of a sudden his impairment goes out the window and he’s all lucid, cuts her off for a while because now *his* boundaries are so important, when he’s trampled all over hers endlessly, really.
IDK, just an observation, that sometimes things just don’t add up with these double standards.