mom.... died
ill explain myself later...
but shes here with me now, not physically, not an illusion
spiritually..
I am calm. and feel a sense of wierd warmth and calm.
right now as i type this things are good.. not so much before..
i have a theory regarding death, and it goes against just about everyone, but my experience so far has proved true...
ill post it diff thread..
my mom, talk to her 3-10x a week... often late... we talk
had MASSIVE stroke, about a month ago..
life changing.... she came out the other side without the abilit to speak.
I slowly began to learn, her language. And the family quickly realized that I had a distinct affect on her.
mom would listen, to me, and me only. I tell her to be nice and behave with the staff, and shed be have. I used this 'advantage' to tell mom exact what why things around her were happening. and where she was.
long story short mom ended up in hospice.
i was with mom at the very end, and mom made sure i wasnt alone in the room, a nurse was present to give mom a bath.
the pain.. i feel from losing my mom is leaps and bonds larger than losing my dad.
i dont remember losing dad to be this gut wrenching.
mind you me and dad were close. I wouldnt be, where I am today, with out my dad.
losing mom?
I pray to that ******* people call god for a heart attack at night.... my friends, close firneds say i shouldnt say that... lose both parents... then come talk to me...
im 37 years old. i cant have kids, dont go there..
i have my sister... oil and water..
i put my entire life on hold for my mom.
call it benefits to being self employed.
and now?
every future thought makes me cry.