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Old 01-28-2019, 11:13 PM   #1 (permalink)
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mom.... died


ill explain myself later...

but shes here with me now, not physically, not an illusion

spiritually..

I am calm. and feel a sense of wierd warmth and calm.

right now as i type this things are good.. not so much before..

i have a theory regarding death, and it goes against just about everyone, but my experience so far has proved true...

ill post it diff thread..



my mom, talk to her 3-10x a week... often late... we talk


had MASSIVE stroke, about a month ago..

life changing.... she came out the other side without the abilit to speak.

I slowly began to learn, her language. And the family quickly realized that I had a distinct affect on her.

mom would listen, to me, and me only. I tell her to be nice and behave with the staff, and shed be have. I used this 'advantage' to tell mom exact what why things around her were happening. and where she was.

long story short mom ended up in hospice.

i was with mom at the very end, and mom made sure i wasnt alone in the room, a nurse was present to give mom a bath.

the pain.. i feel from losing my mom is leaps and bonds larger than losing my dad.

i dont remember losing dad to be this gut wrenching.

mind you me and dad were close. I wouldnt be, where I am today, with out my dad.

losing mom?

I pray to that ******* people call god for a heart attack at night.... my friends, close firneds say i shouldnt say that... lose both parents... then come talk to me...

im 37 years old. i cant have kids, dont go there..

i have my sister... oil and water..

i put my entire life on hold for my mom.

call it benefits to being self employed.

and now?

every future thought makes me cry.
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Old 01-28-2019, 11:15 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I am so sorry for your loss. There is a great deal of support here which will hopefully be of some comfort .
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Old 01-28-2019, 11:26 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Lost my mom suddenly 2 months ago mate. It's been hard for me because I hadn't seen her in 2 years. First really close family member to die. Have nightmares about her dying alone in the night in palliative care. She fell in coma and I was too far away to make it. She passed out in coma and died within hours. Passed out in coma. She was riddled with cancer and no one knew.
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Old 01-28-2019, 11:51 PM   #4 (permalink)
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We're here for you meatball

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Old 01-28-2019, 11:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I lost my dad ten days ago on 1/18/19. It was an enormous loss for me.

He didnít get the benefit of hospice and I wasnít there when he died. He died an hour before I got there.

Youíre not alone.
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Old 01-29-2019, 12:02 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Sorry for your loss!
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Old 01-29-2019, 12:10 AM   #7 (permalink)
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((((( meatball2 ))))) am so sorry for your loss , i lost my dad 9 years ago my mother is toxic so i have lost her too but she is alive

praying for you
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Old 01-29-2019, 12:15 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Old 01-29-2019, 12:17 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Sincerest condolences.

Nothing good comes from losing those that we love so much.

JT
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Old 01-29-2019, 12:18 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad just before Christmas and life hasn't been the same since. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 01-29-2019, 12:20 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I'm so very sorry for your loss...
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Old 01-29-2019, 03:15 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I lost my mom in Oct 2018.
Sorry for your loss. You have alot of support here.
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Old 01-29-2019, 07:52 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry Meatball, I know there are no words right now, except that we are all here to support you st this time. I lost my mom December 26th, and it was so much harder than when I lost my dad in 2010. I think there is something about losing that second parent that makes it really difficult.

I've been doing a lot of reading on grief, I ordered a few books on Amazon, I will share the titles if you're interested. I've also cried quite a bit. I spend some time each day remembering all of the amazing things about my mom.

I know how difficult the next few days will be as you say your final goodbyes. Sending you lots of love and prayers, and my very deepest sympathies.

❤️Delilah
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Old 01-29-2019, 09:26 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Big hugs and much love to you from me. We are here for you.
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Old 01-29-2019, 10:27 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I know the grief support here on SR has been wonderful for me in some of my dark moments, not wanting to burden my mom or my brother with some of this. It was a surprising place to find so much help.

I can give advice about quitting drinking but right now Iím pretty useless with helping people with their grief. Iím down in that pit too.
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Old 01-29-2019, 10:41 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I'm very sorry for your loss.
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Old 01-29-2019, 10:53 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Sorry for you loss Meatball - it sounds like you had a great relationship though which must be a comfort.
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Old 01-29-2019, 03:41 PM   #18 (permalink)
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My dad died alone.

I begged my mom, to not die alone. I wanted her to be with either me or my sister when she lets go...

I did xmas with mom that morning, just me and her and her dogs. I didnt open her presents because I wanted to wait for her.

but decided that I may lose this oppertunity to share it with mom.

I am a very hard person to buy presents for.

Mom got me a wierd gourmet coffee maker (mom used to drink a gallon a day of coffee) and 2 pairs of really nice work gloves...

those 3 gifts from mom were the hardest presents I have ever opened. I saved the label from the first one.

15 minutes afterward an aid came in to wash mom, and then, she gasped. then nothing, i told the aid we are not doing this now and sent a text to my sister to get back here... (she was at urgent care with her son) mom gasped again, I told her I love her, she opened her eyes the first time in 3 days looked right at me, with a tear in her left eye, gasped again and was gone.

She did xmas with me. she gave me a real hand squeeze after presents...

and she let go with me with her, and made sure i wasnt alone, when she went. Mom didnt want to die with me being alone in the room. She made sure I wasnt.

She went peacefully and with grace.

my sister showed up 20 minutes later.

mom spent 3 days in hospice, and my sister and cousin were basically living there with mom. I spent the last night with mom.
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Old 01-29-2019, 06:09 PM   #19 (permalink)
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So sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself. ❤️
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Old 01-29-2019, 07:06 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I'm so glad you were with her
I wasn't with my mom when she died and I am sad years later about that.

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