Primativo

I have a weekend away coming up, it's one of my closest friends stag weekends. We are going to Spain in March.

It's going to be a complete drunken weekend of debauchery basically. I don't want to go, even though I know it would be a fun weekend as we don't really see one another as a group much at all anymore, once or twice a year as everyone does their own thing.

However I know that if I go, I will end up relapsing.

I decided to quit in April last year and have done pretty well, although I have relapses periodically, it's never been planned.

My last drink was 23rd December and my plan is to stay sober throughout 2019.

The thing is, my friend knows I have quit drinking, but he knows I have relapsed occasionally too, so he is of the opinion that if I have had a drink so recently, why not just go on his stag do, have a weekend, then quit straight again after.

Obviously, it's not that simple. For me there is a huge difference between a spur of the moment relapse, which is what has happened to me in the past, and actually PLANNING to drink. Which is essentially what I will be doing if I go on this weekend, I will be accepting I will be drinking and that doesn't sit well with me.

I know exactly what will happen, I'll start drinking at the airport. I'll pass out drunk the first night, wake up and start drinking again, drink all the way through till I come home again and likely carry on drinking when I get home.


I haven't actually been overseas since I quit, and I also get bad anxiety when flying etc, which is even more reason for me to drink. I'm still so early in recovery, and this isn't going to be a nice relaxing break where I can easily avoid drinking.

I guess I feel bad that I'll be missing out, and my social life is quiet enough as it is, to then miss out on weekends away is a shame, but I guess it's something I need to do.

I guess, what I'm asking is, there is only one option isn't there? Don't go.