Originally Posted by
trailmix 
Wow you've covered a lot Wamama! Very insightful.
Yes the misdirected "expectation" speech must be getting pretty old at this point. You are absolutely correct in that it doesn't mean that no one should ever have any expectation of your Husband.
Then again, is that the life he wants? If he is making a choice, that he does not want your relationship to be about any give and take/responsibility - that's a different kettle of fish. Maybe that's something you can get him to clarify if you aren't sure where he's coming from?
I don't think you were wrong for having the conversation about where you are at, he does need to know.
Yes, you are completely correct in my opinion. You are "strong" going about your business, taking care of said business, no need for a break here! Then it turns on you, you cannot do that indefinitely, I know this from personal experience. I'm so glad you are seeing it now before it actually really hits. I remember questioning it myself and brushing it aside because I guess I didn't really think of it too seriously of being anything that needed addressing. It did and if you don't it will make you!
I know that sleeping thing too. Once I was so stressed that if I got in to a stressful conversation I could not stay awake! I would have to walk away and go lay down or tell the person to lay off or I was going to fall asleep lol.
I believe it's a protective reaction from the body and another indicator that you are too stressed.
So glad you are addressing this.
I didn't think the excessive sleeping was a thing, I thought I was just a little strange. I lol when I read you've told people to lay off or you were going to sleep. I wonder what their facial expressions were?
My councelor has told me a few times that she thinks I'm insightful too. I need to know the "why" of things. I need to understand it to be able to accept it, which leads to being able to work through it. The flip side of that is sometimes you can think too much.
I never even considered asking my RAH what he thought the basics of a marriage were until you mentioned it. But, it didn't surprise me when when he though on it for a bit and said "I don't know, I'll have to think about that." I wasn't surprised, but my heart sank. We've been married 20 years Jan 29th, he's 53 years old, and doesn't know how a healthy marriage (or any relationship) works. It makes me incredibly sad.