Lonewolf, I'm sending you a hug. Wish I could give a real one because I know words aren't as good.
I too am in financial straights, and what's worse is if I don't get my **** together, not only will I end up homeless, but so will my mom who depends on me financially. I figure I've got another 3-4 months of daily drinking to go from successful to shelter, and that's not an exaggeration. The only reason I'm telling you this is so you know you're not alone and someone understands that horrible feeling of debt.
Drinking is directly related. Something I'm already gaining in just a lousy four days of not drinking is that feeling of helplessness is going away. I'm becoming motivated to figure this out.
Weirdly enough, as my energy is returning, so is the random idea of "just one more fun night before I hang it up" and I'm using every tool I've found so far to tell it to go to hell. I'm finding out the urges rise, almost to a roar, but then they..go away.
I truly believe you can be happy and decent, and so can I. But we've got to quit drinking, for real, for good. If I have that "one more night" who knows how long it'll take to get quit again? Or what the consequences might be. Please keep trying.