I don't think it has anything to do with time specifically, but the work involved in recovering that goes beyond just staying sober.
Originally Posted by
trailmix 
I know both dandylion and I have mentioned Asperger's before, in relation to your Husband, have you noticed more in that direction now that he is sober?
This was my thought too - especially because, like I've mentioned so many times, ADHD is a bigger monster to manage in our world than addiction is. I know you don't believe your husband displays classic autism-like behaviors, but Asperger's, ADHD & other "isms" can equally impact someone's ability to feel & display empathy. My husband has had to
practice this behavior & he still struggles all the time - inadvertently shutting me down in conversation without realizing he's doing "It" again until he sees the look on my face, 'cuz, ya know.... I thought we'd grown past this already so I get caught by surprise too. I'm no saint.
It just happened the other night & while initially it upset me that he was so callous, I also had to recognize that the moment he realized it, he backed up & tried to fix it. I had to unclench & let. it. go.
IF - IF!!! - this is even remotely plausible then this:
"He's capable of saying "you're working hard, you'll get there." Six little words! My 8 year old grandaughter can do that!"
....might not be true. He might NOT be able to see how this whole situation could've been different with the "right" 6 little words.
You ABSOLUTLEY deserve support. But you also have to be realistic about what he is capable of giving. IF he has underlying, undiagnosed issues that impact his empathy, you can't have expectations that one day he'll just "get it". It's like trying to get blood from a stone.
