I am a survivor of abuse. Abuse always starts with grooming (love-bombing).... They are charming. They promise you things. They might even parade you in front of their family and friends -- to show off what a great boyfriend they are. When you talk about their deeds to your friends, it makes them look like marriage material.
Then every time you make a big investment in the relationship, they do something to test your boundaries... to see if you will trust them "even if". To see how far you'll jump. What they really want to see is you jumping off a cliff. The manipulation that allows them to control you may one day not be enough... so they become more and more overtly abusive and then try physical violence. But by then... no one believes that he's like that... so you're stuck.
I am so glad that people are slowly starting to understand what abusers are really like. I have met so many men and women who think that women in abusive relationships are "not feminist" or "have no self-respect" ... but it's more complicated than these statements that actually imply that she deserved it.
Coercive control is the tip of the giant iceberg of doom.