I'm not going to give advice. What I am going to do is share what happened to me in a similar situation and what the results were.
I met my 2nd husband and realized that he drank a lot. He was Cajun and I just figured it was part of the culture. Although I later became alcoholic, I was not at this point and only drank occassionally and socially. When sober or only slightly buzzed this was a funny and caring man. When drunk he became mean, would act irrationally and say very mean things to me and my kids. I stupidly thought that I would be able to "fix" him, that he had never been loved properly which is why he would get jealous of anything that took my time and attention and that if I could just stick it out to the wedding that things would calm down, he wouldn't have to drink like he did and we'd live happily ever after.
Now, here is what really happened. He continued to drink. We lived in different states until we got married. About a week before the wedding he called me drunk and belligerent and said horrible things to me about me, us and my kids. My gut started screaming that this was something that I didn't need to do (get married to this man) but like you, I figured because the wedding date was so close that it was too late and hopefully things would change. 36 hours before we got married we went out with some of his "boys" to celebrate. He got drunk, naturally, and ended up picking a fight with someone who was looking for trouble in a gas station and got the crap stomped out of him. Our wedding pictures were horrible with his face all cut up and stuff.
I had demanded that no alcohol be served at our wedding and reception and at first he agreed but then some co-workers "twisted his arm" and they bought a keg. This quickly ran out and then people were making beer runs at the reception. Long story short, the marriage was not consummated that night because he literally passed out on me. Two days later I went with him and his sister to a casino where he got plastered and we got into a huge argument. I went to sit out in the car with a shaking gut and wondered just what the hell had I gotten myself into.
We made it a year (barely!) and the drinking issue never got better, only worse. He would show his *ss, we’d get into a fight, he’d swear off and last a few days but he’d be so shaky and irritable that I was ready to give him something just to calm him down. Then it’d be “just one”, then “just two”, then “but it’s the weekend”. The amounts would steadily increase and the whole cycle would repeat itself. I tried everything I could to control it and realized that I was powerless to change it. My solution was to begin drinking with him. If you can’t beat em, join em! Within 3 ½ years I was happily divorced but a full blown alcoholic myself. That was one of his parting shots to me, telling me I was an alcoholic! I thought what an *ss he was, the pot calling the kettle black. But later on I realized he was right.
This is a long story and I apologize for that but here is what I learned in hindsight (which is always 20/20!!). I should have listened to my gut, swallowed my pride and cancelled that wedding! I would have saved myself and my kids a lot of misery. Although he was never physically abusive with us, he was very verbally abusive when drunk and the scars run deep. No matter how much I thought things would change, that I could change him, it wasn’t so. He was a slave to the alcohol. I didn’t understand that at the time but I sure understand it today. Nobody can make an alcoholic quit drinking, nobody can change someone or control someone. The willingness and desire to change has to come from the person with the problem for them to have any meaningful chance at recovery. The only thing you can change is you. You have to look out for yourself, your happiness, and what is ultimately in your best interest. I hate to tell you this but unless he has a revelation (otherwise known as a “bottom) anytime soon it sounds like his disease is progressing and will continue to progress. You cannot change that and you cannot love him out of it. You have to make the decision whether or not you are willing to live like this and possibly in worse circumstances as the disease progresses further, if indeed it does. Are you willing to forego a happy and healthy relationship to chain yourself to someone who is in the throes of a selfish and self-centered disease? These are questions you might ask yourself. Forget that the wedding is only two weeks away. It is never too late until you say I do.
I am not trying to persuade you in any direction, only ask that you do some soul-searching on this. I lived where you’re at and I have shared what it was like. If you do indeed decide to marry this man, then might I suggest that you become quickly and heavily involved in Al-Anon so that you can develop coping mechanisms and not allow his disease to suck the life out of you.
I wish you the best and I hope what I’ve shared has been of some help.
Hugs,
Kellye