I hope this helps you.
Hi Stacey333.
The first thing I suggest is get ready to hear advice that you won’t like hearing. The brutal truth will be told to you. You absolutely must be concerned with your own health, safety and sanity. I believe that you are very wise and lucky to see these problems BEFORE getting married. Just because you have a wedding planned, don’t feel obligated to sign a contract of “Living Hell” for the rest of your life. I am an alcoholic that is healing. I don’t drink anymore, but it took me more than 26 years to realize that. I have been married for more than 22 years. My wife is a nurse in a cancer unit,,,, a highly respected professional. I experience the same thing you are going through with my wife. When she is sober, she is a wonderful, caring, loving woman. When she is drunk (nightly) she is a mean, venomous, hateful woman. Can’t remember all the rotten things she said to me in the morning. Even worse, she can’t remember how nice and pleasant our evenings start off. I have done the same: Begged, pleaded, demanded that she stop on her own or go get help. I have talked with her family members, but they now all think I’m rotten and that I'm just blaming her,,, but they don’t have to live with her. I am sorry to say, but the same might just happen to you. Only my wife will decide if and when she will quit. The best thing I did for my marriage was start attending Al-Anon meetings. If you want to stay in this relationship, I think this group would help you. Sadly I have been seeing an attorney to start our separation and divorce proceedings. That is a consequence I can control and impose on her. I believe the best thing you can do NOW is impose consequences on your fiancee’ that you can control. Simply put: call off the wedding. YOU cannot make him stop drinking. He will hide it, go one or two days without a drink, etc. But as a retired drunkard myself, I know what happens,,,, you go back and make up for the days you missed and you drink more in the future. Your marriage will not magically become wonderful until he quits drinking COMPLETELY. If you have a good job, you will just enable him to drink and he may never look for a job in the future, or he may tell you that he did, but nobody is hiring. A drunkard lies to you and will lie to themselves. Protect yourself from future pain and sorrow. If it doesn’t look promising for two weeks from now, it sure won’t be any better 1, 2, 5, 10, 20 years from now. I pray that my wife comes to her own conclusions before I get divorced from her. I loved her when I met her, I have loved her for over 24 years, but I can’t take it any more. Do yourself a favor, look into Al-Anon and strongly consider calling off the wedding. Who cares what other people will think! You are the one that has to live like this and you will be the one that will have to deal with even more embarrassment in the future. Pray, talk with people that love you and care about you. Make the right decision. May God bless you and I sincerely wish you luck and success. Mrakaronni.