Hi gemini,
My husband passed suddenly and unexpectedly a little over 3 years ago. That first Christmas/New Year without him was brutal--can't lie. In the first 1.5 years after his passing, I was sick with something every month. I finally worked up the courage to just take control of what I could in my life. In spite of that, 2018 has been a challenging year and wish I could drive a tank over it, lol!
Anyway, all that to say that I'm sorry you've been feeling down. I get it!
Here's hoping for a brilliant 2019!!