Hard Night
Hard Night
Hi all.
Well...it's New Years Eve, and I'm alone. Not completely alone as I live with family, but alone in that I'm not with friends, and of course, no longer with my ex. He is who I had planned on being with through the holidays. It was to be our first holiday season together (we were broken up in past seasons and he was in prison during those breakups as well) and we talked about it a lot when he was still locked up and supposedly clean and wanting to stay clean and build a life together. Just read my prior posts if interested in how that ended.
I'm feeling depressed. I've really worked hard at trying to look at the positive side of things, but this night it's all hitting me hard. I don't work due to physical limitations, so I don't meet many people. I have no income, so I don't put myself out there b/c I don't want to be 'that person'. The one who never has money and always has to turn things down b/c of it, but it being too personal to explain why.
Then I had a falling out with one 'friend' I thought I had b/c she was always flaking on me and I finally called her on it. We texted all the time and we talked on the phone often. We'd hung out a few times before, but when it came to hanging out, she just always had something coming up. That was before Christmas. I haven't heard from her since. The ball was in her court as I sent the last text and said my peace. She still follows me on IG and looks at my stories, which I think is weird being she isn't talking to me. I can say that last night I did run into a girl I met last year, and we really clicked the night we hung out, but it just never got off the ground. We talked on the phone here and there, but never hung out again. I tend to cut myself off from people b/c of my financial situation. She's really sweet and I think I will put effort into seeing if we can build a friendship and she seems to really want to also.
A lot of you also know my grandma passed the day before Thanksgiving and that's hitting me hard as well. I miss her so much. My mom recently injured her back and is in a lot of pain. I deal with pain also and I feel bad b/c there's some things I just cannot do to help her. The things I've already picked up are aggravating the pain I already have. I feel so bad for her. We had our heat and hot water go out on the same day last Friday. Thankfully my stepdad was able to get a new water heater and put it in yesterday, so we have hot water now (thank God..lol), but still no heat. We do have space heaters and I'm very thankful for that.
It's just been incredibly stressful y'all and I'm having a down moment. I'm nowhere near where I want to be in life and I feel lonely and just sad right now. Every time I think of my ex I get so angry at how he left me and had no regard for my feelings at all. I mean he couldn't at least call and say something? Anything? Just gone. Ugh. I'm just annoyed right now. Thanks for letting me vent.
Unlike my night, I hope y'alls is much better and that you have a great New Year.
Well...it's New Years Eve, and I'm alone. Not completely alone as I live with family, but alone in that I'm not with friends, and of course, no longer with my ex. He is who I had planned on being with through the holidays. It was to be our first holiday season together (we were broken up in past seasons and he was in prison during those breakups as well) and we talked about it a lot when he was still locked up and supposedly clean and wanting to stay clean and build a life together. Just read my prior posts if interested in how that ended.
I'm feeling depressed. I've really worked hard at trying to look at the positive side of things, but this night it's all hitting me hard. I don't work due to physical limitations, so I don't meet many people. I have no income, so I don't put myself out there b/c I don't want to be 'that person'. The one who never has money and always has to turn things down b/c of it, but it being too personal to explain why.
Then I had a falling out with one 'friend' I thought I had b/c she was always flaking on me and I finally called her on it. We texted all the time and we talked on the phone often. We'd hung out a few times before, but when it came to hanging out, she just always had something coming up. That was before Christmas. I haven't heard from her since. The ball was in her court as I sent the last text and said my peace. She still follows me on IG and looks at my stories, which I think is weird being she isn't talking to me. I can say that last night I did run into a girl I met last year, and we really clicked the night we hung out, but it just never got off the ground. We talked on the phone here and there, but never hung out again. I tend to cut myself off from people b/c of my financial situation. She's really sweet and I think I will put effort into seeing if we can build a friendship and she seems to really want to also.
A lot of you also know my grandma passed the day before Thanksgiving and that's hitting me hard as well. I miss her so much. My mom recently injured her back and is in a lot of pain. I deal with pain also and I feel bad b/c there's some things I just cannot do to help her. The things I've already picked up are aggravating the pain I already have. I feel so bad for her. We had our heat and hot water go out on the same day last Friday. Thankfully my stepdad was able to get a new water heater and put it in yesterday, so we have hot water now (thank God..lol), but still no heat. We do have space heaters and I'm very thankful for that.
It's just been incredibly stressful y'all and I'm having a down moment. I'm nowhere near where I want to be in life and I feel lonely and just sad right now. Every time I think of my ex I get so angry at how he left me and had no regard for my feelings at all. I mean he couldn't at least call and say something? Anything? Just gone. Ugh. I'm just annoyed right now. Thanks for letting me vent.
Unlike my night, I hope y'alls is much better and that you have a great New Year.
You are not alone - you are with the person who lives you most - YOU! YOU won’t sacrifice happiness for someone else. YOU only wants what is best to secure your future. And WE are right there with you.
Wishing you a much better 2019!!
Wishing you a much better 2019!!
Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. I wish a great year for you as well.
I hope that 2019 will be better for you Gemini
It wasn't really that long ago that I was housebound with few friends and drinking round trhe clock to try and feel something.
Life got better when I quit drinking - not immediately...but inevitably
stay with us
D
It wasn't really that long ago that I was housebound with few friends and drinking round trhe clock to try and feel something.
Life got better when I quit drinking - not immediately...but inevitably
stay with us
D
I'm actually surprised I haven't become addicted to drugs or alcohol myself. I guess my drug of choice is food. I'm overweight, but not as overweight as I used to be as I lost a good amount last year. I now have to lose some of what I gained back and then pick up where I left off. I let my good habits go when my ex left me. Ugh.
I appreciate your support. I wish a great year for you as well.
Isn't it amazing how hurt and loneliness flip to anger and resentment without taking a minute for laughter? You deserve to smile. You listed several things that you can't do - maybe take a bit of time to write down things that you can do? Then take some baby steps towards your goals? A fresh start for a new year feels good :-) Congrats for your recent weight loss! Lots of people could use more encouragement to get going on something you've already started!
Isn't it amazing how hurt and loneliness flip to anger and resentment without taking a minute for laughter? You deserve to smile. You listed several things that you can't do - maybe take a bit of time to write down things that you can do? Then take some baby steps towards your goals? A fresh start for a new year feels good :-) Congrats for your recent weight loss! Lots of people could use more encouragement to get going on something you've already started!
Hi gemini,
My husband passed suddenly and unexpectedly a little over 3 years ago. That first Christmas/New Year without him was brutal--can't lie. In the first 1.5 years after his passing, I was sick with something every month. I finally worked up the courage to just take control of what I could in my life. In spite of that, 2018 has been a challenging year and wish I could drive a tank over it, lol!
Anyway, all that to say that I'm sorry you've been feeling down. I get it!
Here's hoping for a brilliant 2019!!
My husband passed suddenly and unexpectedly a little over 3 years ago. That first Christmas/New Year without him was brutal--can't lie. In the first 1.5 years after his passing, I was sick with something every month. I finally worked up the courage to just take control of what I could in my life. In spite of that, 2018 has been a challenging year and wish I could drive a tank over it, lol!
Anyway, all that to say that I'm sorry you've been feeling down. I get it!
Here's hoping for a brilliant 2019!!
Hi gemini,
My husband passed suddenly and unexpectedly a little over 3 years ago. That first Christmas/New Year without him was brutal--can't lie. In the first 1.5 years after his passing, I was sick with something every month. I finally worked up the courage to just take control of what I could in my life. In spite of that, 2018 has been a challenging year and wish I could drive a tank over it, lol!
Anyway, all that to say that I'm sorry you've been feeling down. I get it!
Here's hoping for a brilliant 2019!!
My husband passed suddenly and unexpectedly a little over 3 years ago. That first Christmas/New Year without him was brutal--can't lie. In the first 1.5 years after his passing, I was sick with something every month. I finally worked up the courage to just take control of what I could in my life. In spite of that, 2018 has been a challenging year and wish I could drive a tank over it, lol!
Anyway, all that to say that I'm sorry you've been feeling down. I get it!
Here's hoping for a brilliant 2019!!
You should be so proud of yourself for doing what you can and getting through all of that and life in general. Thank you, I hope you have a great 2019 also!
Hi Gem, I feel a little like you, in that I've just had a final break with a long-term friend, my daughter has made it clear she has no time for me at the moment and I'm feeling pretty depressed. Not about me though, just to say I understand a little of how you feel.
I was wondering if there are forums or meetings for people in your situation, maybe not physical challenges but with v little spare cash? Dare I suggest a church, because I know they are big in the US, and have lots of side activities? As an atheist I wouldn't go to one myself, but that doesn't apply to everyone.
I had 2 years unemployed, so I know how difficult it can be keeping up with people who have money. I did manage in other ways but making them little food gifts, or helping with babysitting, or finding meaningful tokens for them second hand. As long as I was doing something, I didn't feel it was too uneven.
I was wondering if there are forums or meetings for people in your situation, maybe not physical challenges but with v little spare cash? Dare I suggest a church, because I know they are big in the US, and have lots of side activities? As an atheist I wouldn't go to one myself, but that doesn't apply to everyone.
I had 2 years unemployed, so I know how difficult it can be keeping up with people who have money. I did manage in other ways but making them little food gifts, or helping with babysitting, or finding meaningful tokens for them second hand. As long as I was doing something, I didn't feel it was too uneven.
Hi Gem, I feel a little like you, in that I've just had a final break with a long-term friend, my daughter has made it clear she has no time for me at the moment and I'm feeling pretty depressed. Not about me though, just to say I understand a little of how you feel.
I was wondering if there are forums or meetings for people in your situation, maybe not physical challenges but with v little spare cash? Dare I suggest a church, because I know they are big in the US, and have lots of side activities? As an atheist I wouldn't go to one myself, but that doesn't apply to everyone.
I had 2 years unemployed, so I know how difficult it can be keeping up with people who have money. I did manage in other ways but making them little food gifts, or helping with babysitting, or finding meaningful tokens for them second hand. As long as I was doing something, I didn't feel it was too uneven.
I was wondering if there are forums or meetings for people in your situation, maybe not physical challenges but with v little spare cash? Dare I suggest a church, because I know they are big in the US, and have lots of side activities? As an atheist I wouldn't go to one myself, but that doesn't apply to everyone.
I had 2 years unemployed, so I know how difficult it can be keeping up with people who have money. I did manage in other ways but making them little food gifts, or helping with babysitting, or finding meaningful tokens for them second hand. As long as I was doing something, I didn't feel it was too uneven.
And I have thought about church. I don't identify as any one thing. I do believe in a higher power, just not sure exactly how at this point. Which is funny, b/c I used to work for a worldwide ministry. Lmao.
And I do the same thing when it comes to the times I do hang out with ppl with money. I try to think of ways to contribute myself if I it's not monetary. Thank you for your thoughts.
Hi gemini,
I am sorry as I didn't want it to be about me.
How are you feeling today? Sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly down about things in my world I find that thinking about just one small thing that I can change to make things better helps me.
Do you have one small thing in your life you can change for the better? For me, it can be as simple as doing something to streamline my morning routine so that I'm not so rushed in the morning...
Be good to you!
I am sorry as I didn't want it to be about me.
How are you feeling today? Sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly down about things in my world I find that thinking about just one small thing that I can change to make things better helps me.
Do you have one small thing in your life you can change for the better? For me, it can be as simple as doing something to streamline my morning routine so that I'm not so rushed in the morning...
Be good to you!
Hi gemini,
I am sorry as I didn't want it to be about me.
How are you feeling today? Sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly down about things in my world I find that thinking about just one small thing that I can change to make things better helps me.
Do you have one small thing in your life you can change for the better? For me, it can be as simple as doing something to streamline my morning routine so that I'm not so rushed in the morning...
Be good to you!
I am sorry as I didn't want it to be about me.
How are you feeling today? Sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly down about things in my world I find that thinking about just one small thing that I can change to make things better helps me.
Do you have one small thing in your life you can change for the better? For me, it can be as simple as doing something to streamline my morning routine so that I'm not so rushed in the morning...
Be good to you!
I have plenty I need to change. I think it overwhelms me at times.
Right now, unfortunately, I am sick. It started last night with a swollen throat, and today it's worse. So I will have to sit and think about this stuff when I'm better.
You have given great suggestions. Thank you!
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