If you're drinking, that will make you feel depressed. Alcohol is a depressant. When I was drinking, I had low self esteem and hated myself.
But after a few months sober, and practicing gratitude, my feelings are mostly positive now. I no longer wake up hating myself.
I hope you'll get rid of the wine and not get anymore.
Don't feel guilty for not wanting the responsibility. You don't have to volunteer your time. That's why it's called volunteering.