HAS I've seen the difference in you sober posting and times when you've been drinking.
The difference is astoundng
You may have other issues that need addressing. I have no idea - but you'll deal with them much better when you're not drinking at all.
I believe that, even tho you might only be drinking on weekends, you're drinking enough then, and have for long enough,
for it to affect you all week.
I don't mean you're drunk, but those feelings or fear, of inadequacy and guilt and shame are coming in very large part from alcohol and your addiction.
D