Hi Hope, It is great to hear from you. I have thought about you this last week. I’m glad you are doing better. You are not alone. It is very normal in recovery early on or after relapses to be angry and to wonder how we can live without what we are addicted to. Heroin addicts feel the same way. I can’t even imagine that. Yet I had that feeling about alcohol in the beginning, even though it was killing me slowly and made me feel horrible. It is just whatever we are used to and has become habit.
If you give yourself another chance with sobriety, you will eventually wonder how you ever thought you needed alcohol to be happy. It took a while for me but I am almost two years in and am grateful every day that my sober life is so much better. There is a better life for you too.