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Nearly dead - Rock bottom - Almost dead - PLEASE READ THIS POST



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Nearly dead - Rock bottom - Almost dead - PLEASE READ THIS POST

Old 12-16-2018, 06:18 AM
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Nearly dead - Rock bottom - Almost dead - PLEASE READ THIS POST

Hello all,

I would not write a lot because unfortunately I don't feel physically fit to do it.

Two - three days ago I had the worse relapse ever. So that you can understand the magnitude and the miracle of me being able to write this. I went out for dinner and had two little sangrias (sounds very innocent right?

Outcome:

A heavy cocaine user will test in their blood: 300 mg ( In theory, this is the maximum ). Yesterday I was in the ICU. My blood test more than a heavy level of alcohol showed 6,800 mg of cocaine. (I'm not sure if the conversion units are fine).

I am back home and not only I almost killed myself, my parents almost suffered heart attacks from my irresponsibility.

Listen, if you are someone new to this or simply still struggling with this, I hope you read this post. Don't come to this experience. I beg you to reconsider your options, not after the last drink, not after an experience like this, do it now, the time is right now.

I was very close to death a couple of days ago, I'm still not out of danger completely. I'm not sure how this will end up for me, but at least, at the moment I am able to write this.

I'll do my best to survive, but I really write this with tears in my eyes for my fellow alcoholics there, I BEG you, don't come down to this. Life is one and life is so beautiful guys, and you deserve better and the people that love you deserve better.

I love you all guys.
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Old 12-16-2018, 06:23 AM
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Thanks for sharing hope, I' glad you were able to make it through what must have been a very scary situation. Perhaps you can also discuss some options for you to get sober yourself along with the doctors? A lot of people have life threatening experiences with drugs and alcohol, I hope this can be the wake up call that you need.
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Old 12-16-2018, 06:28 AM
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Bless you, I am sending you prayers, strength and love right now.

You are in the right place and we are all here for you. This site was a lifeline to me 8 months ago when I was home alone going through hideous withdrawals not knowing if I would live or die. Stay close. You can recover from this and never ever have to go through it again but just rest for now.

Much love to you.
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Old 12-16-2018, 09:35 AM
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Thank you both. I'll keep you posted-
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Old 12-16-2018, 10:27 AM
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Nearly dead - Rock bottom - Almost dead - PLEASE READ THIS POST

Next time you think about drinking, please re-read your own post.
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Old 12-16-2018, 03:28 PM
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I'm sorry things are not great at the moment Hope. Try not to panic tho - the hospital would not have released you if they felt you were in any danger, surely?

Having said that, this has to be your turning point yeah? You might not be so lucky where there to be a next time.

I can't remember what you've tried for your recovery besides SR but I'd put everything on the table now - nothing is too much effort.

AA or SMART or Lifering, doctors, counsellor, inpatient or outpatient rehab - consider it all.

you can absolutely turn things around from here - and you're not alone

D
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Old 12-16-2018, 04:21 PM
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Hope, I'm glad you are safe and feeling better. SR is a great source of support as you move forward, and it may help you to avoid a relapse.
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Old 12-16-2018, 04:26 PM
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Much love, Hope. I hope this is a turning point for you. We are here for you 24/7
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Old 12-17-2018, 05:10 AM
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Hope- but you are alive.
That means you can have a future.
That you posted here and your name shows this.

My story was a littlemore dire than yours- but it was a wake up call to either stop booze and over counter codeine, start to heal- stop the damage to me and others and grow..OR continue on that path and 4th time around..stay dead.

My prayers and support to you.
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Old 12-17-2018, 05:21 AM
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I really feel for you. I hope you feel better soon.
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Old 12-17-2018, 03:07 PM
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How are you doing Hope?

D
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Old 12-22-2018, 08:05 AM
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Hello Dee,

Thank you very much for answering.

Physically, I'm still recovering. It is a miracle that I am still alive and actually in good condition.

Mentally, I am a bit better but very, very confused. I'm also sad and a little bit pissed off to be quite honest. I'm resentful, and I don' know, I guess my head asks me how will I live without going out to party and drink and having this "fake fantasy" that my head plays.

Thanks
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Old 12-22-2018, 08:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Hope1989 View Post
Hello Dee,

Thank you very much for answering.

Physically, I'm still recovering. It is a miracle that I am still alive and actually in good condition.

Mentally, I am a bit better but very, very confused. I'm also sad and a little bit pissed off to be quite honest. I'm resentful, and I don' know, I guess my head asks me how will I live without going out to party and drink and having this "fake fantasy" that my head plays.

Thanks
Be true to thyself.
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Old 12-22-2018, 06:10 PM
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Hi Hope, It is great to hear from you. I have thought about you this last week. I’m glad you are doing better. You are not alone. It is very normal in recovery early on or after relapses to be angry and to wonder how we can live without what we are addicted to. Heroin addicts feel the same way. I can’t even imagine that. Yet I had that feeling about alcohol in the beginning, even though it was killing me slowly and made me feel horrible. It is just whatever we are used to and has become habit.

If you give yourself another chance with sobriety, you will eventually wonder how you ever thought you needed alcohol to be happy. It took a while for me but I am almost two years in and am grateful every day that my sober life is so much better. There is a better life for you too.
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Old 12-23-2018, 06:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Fearlessat50 View Post
Hi Hope, It is great to hear from you. I have thought about you this last week. I’m glad you are doing better. You are not alone. It is very normal in recovery early on or after relapses to be angry and to wonder how we can live without what we are addicted to. Heroin addicts feel the same way. I can’t even imagine that. Yet I had that feeling about alcohol in the beginning, even though it was killing me slowly and made me feel horrible. It is just whatever we are used to and has become habit.

If you give yourself another chance with sobriety, you will eventually wonder how you ever thought you needed alcohol to be happy. It took a while for me but I am almost two years in and am grateful every day that my sober life is so much better. There is a better life for you too.
Hey Fearless, thanks a lot for the reply.

Yes, you are absolutely right. It is very annoying to imagine myself without alcohol (sounds terrible). I have been feeling a little bit better every day. It was a very hard relapse and to be honest, I'm still scared to death!

Honestly, my drinking pattern doesn't really match the "alcohol depending" or "binge drinker" descriptions. But I totally abuse alcohol; I never thought, however, that it was taking me close to dying more than once.

Merry Christmas to you and thanks for checking in,
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