Hi HAS, Im sorry for your job situation. If you’ve been heavy drinking off/on since 2016 or before that, that is most likely one reason for the trouble. The best thing you can do for yourself is to not drink and stay sober. This will give you a clear head and help you be less anxious, depressed and hard on yourself.
Maybe there are other things going on as well. Maybe the field, job or company you work in is not a good fit. Have you talked to a counselor? Many community colleges have counselors who can provide job and career support and resources.
What about talking to your doctor to get back on antidepressants?
Please don’t call yourself stupid. It’s just not true. Though sometimes we do make poor choices. Please be kind to yourself.
I hope to see you keep posting here for support.