Originally Posted by
atalose 
I am of the belief that things happen when they are meant to happen and that is usually when we are more ready/prepared for it.
I think you’ve learned a lot about addiction in this past month or so and I hope you can accept that his addiction is not personal towards you. His behavior is that of an active addict and someone with a long history of it. The chance he will change into the someone you think he can be, are slim. I think you are near accepting that, and as hurtful as that may feel, the truth is what sets you free. Holding onto a fantasy life/relationship keeps the heart from healing.
I think one day you will come to understand that you were having a much different relationship with him then he was having with you. You’ve reached another stage in your grieving of this relationship, the hard to accept stage. The stage where truth and reality become clear and all of that hope begins to drift away.
I am sorry you are hurting again, I know it really does stink to love an addict.
Atalose it is amazing to me how in tune with my process you are. I mean everything you said was right on point!
I have def learned so much about addiction the last few months and it has helped in the healing process. I still, of course, have times where it feels personal and I get sad/angry, etc. But I know that is just my old thinking patterns at work that try to resurface.
I also have just come to the point of thinking regardless of addiction, even if he wasn't an addict and left me, it says nothing about me. It would mean something about
him. I am so grateful that I had already learned so much about not trying to control others and situations before this happened, or this could have ended me.
Now I am armed with even more knowledge and more of an ability to not control and to let go. I use this in other areas of my life as well.
As I said above, if y'all knew me before, just 4 years ago, you would know that I would have chased him down and tried to make him explain to me why he did what he did. I am sooooo proud of myself for never trying to contact him one time! Not even once! That is major growth!
Y'all have helped me continue to grow even more. Thank you so much.
P.S. You are so right about me having a much different relationship with him than he was having with me. My mom even said that. Confirmation! Lol.
