Hi and welcome to SR Triptych78 - I'm sorry for what brings you here tho.
Maybe the best course of action is just to ask her flat out whats going on?
You don;t say if there are kids involved in the relationship - if not then I think you have to decide what you want and wherther you're getting it in this relationship. I know your post has an element of NA within in it but I'm not in NA so I have no experience to share - if all is as you suspect this sounds to me like addict behaviour tho rather than NA behaviour if you get me?
D)