Originally Posted by
alwayscovering 
So we all know it's kinda hard to talk to an A because they are usually drunk and nothing resembling reasonable.
A woman in the Al anon meeting today is determined to tell her AH how she feels. I guess that's her right but I wonder does it really matter?
I have told AH how I feel over and over and over. I've practiced for days to make sure it wasn't "accusatory" or whatever. I've written letters. What do you think that got me? NOTHING. Well I can't say nothing. Just more heartache. But he's still definitely drinking.
He knows how I feel. He just doesn't care. Or maybe he does but alcohol just tells him I'm being over dramatic.
If he says something to me I will reiterate how I feel(usually). He gets butt hurt and still nothing changes.
Example: The other day He said "I feel like you don't trust me" My reply was "Well you lie to me so often I feel like I can't trust you and after 7 years of consistent behavior it's kinda ingrained"
Sometimes when I realize he's drunk I feel resigned and just ignore it and do what I need to do, other times I get super angry. IDK I guess I'm just bouncing around trying to work through all the feels.
I think the better question is: "to whom does it matter??"
It may matter to YOU "Alwaysrecovering." Maybe you need to say it just to get it off your chest. Maybe it's part of YOUR process for moving on to detachment. Maybe you need to say it to fully understand that YOU saying it doesn't change AH's behavior.
I'm not sure that the answer to the question "to whom does it matter" always has to be clear.
I think its enough to trust your gut that YOU need to say it.
I can't guarantee that it will change AH or that, a lightbulb will suddenly go off in your head.
I know that this is going to sound trite but -- I think you have to trust that you saying it has SOME purpose (maybe just to you). And that in so doing, things WILL get better (which may be different than your current conception of "better") in the end . . . and if it is not better, then it's not the end.
MCE Saint