hey thanks you two. one day at a time, but i'm very motivated to do this. and the biggest help was my ex-partner moving out (thus moving out 6.5 years of emotional abuse) and calling me at night when he's into his 6th or 7th beer (he's cordial, but i'm not falling into his "take me back, see how nice i am?" trap again). we are not enemies, there are many things i love about him, but he has serious issues that i can't live with. not drinking is giving me my sense of self back.