I have been alcohol-free for 21 days. I can’t remember the last time I hit this milestone. In fact, I can’t remember the last milestone I hit. I’m tired of what consuming alcohol was doing to me and the scales have FINALLY tipped.
This was me…
1. It had become the “same old, same old”. We were eating out nearly every night of the week and I was consuming way too much alcohol. I began to worry what people were thinking/saying about me. In essence, I was beginning to feel like a “loser”.
2. I was reaching near black out and full black out on the way home from each “drinking event.” We’d have sex and I wouldn’t remember, which made me feel cheap, shameful and “taken advantage of” (although I knew I wasn’t). The tipping point was when I’d come home and have conversations with my teens and not remember. Waking up in a panic became a frequent thing.
3. If we weren’t staying out after we ate, I’d make my husband stop at the store on the way home for alcohol and then I’d sit at my computer and drink until I could drink no more. And eat A TON to keep my stomach from protesting.
4. I was becoming that friend that wouldn’t leave. I didn’t want the party to end and it made me feel like a loser. I am shuttering right now at the memories.
5. I was beginning to look like a “bar fly”. The reflection I’d see in the mirror was “hagrid”. I felt so awful about myself I couldn’t stand it. It was the reflection of someone who had really let herself go.
6. I was not living. I was struggling to make it through each day. It was unhappiness. Misery.
7. In summary, I was beginning to hate the person I was becoming.
Twenty-one days later things are not perfect (as you know!), but *I* am better. I can think more clearly. I can breathe. I feel proud of myself. I feel stronger. My face is no longer bloated. I have shed a few pounds. My house is getting in order. I struggle to find positives because life is SO HARD right now, but I CAN say that NONE of the above (the numbered things) is part of my life anymore and for now, that is enough. I have hope.
Thank you - so much – for sharing your lives with me, being here and the support
