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Class of November 2018 Part 3

Old 11-29-2018, 03:47 AM
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Class of November 2018 Part 3

continues from here:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-2-a-20.html


D

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Old 11-29-2018, 03:57 AM
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Wow, so many great posts on here that I would like to respond to, but my work week is just not allowing much extra time. This weekend. I'm going get on here and get caught up on Saturday morning. You guys are doing great. I'm back on track. Just the one hiccup day last Saturday. 23 out of 24, or 24 out of 25, days sober in this streak, or something like that.

So I finally got rid of the nemesis that lurked in my fridge since Thanksgiving. Couldn't force myself to pitch the leftover pecan pie, but I vowed to show some restraint. Didn't happen. Once the sweet tooth struck after dinner, I pulled that sucker out and went to work. I'm pretty sure that this particular pie packed 200 calories in every forkful, so I haven't felt too great about myself in the aftermath. Anyway, it's gone. I can move on with my life.

Have a good day everyone. BF, I love your post about the person you had become. Great reminder of what alcohol really does for us. Yet our mind somehow tries to convince us that we are missing something when we let it go.
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Old 11-29-2018, 04:00 AM
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Good morning, November people! And oh, WOW I'm tired. Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee ...

I'm a bit better thing morning, aside from the tired thing. Yesterday wasn't that bad if I look at it objectively; it's just that something happened to upset me a bit, and it turned into this whole spiraling feeling of "everything sucks." The anniversary-related sad memories just magnified everything.

Thanks RAL, coming here and writing about how I was feeling did help.

Thanks Dee. What you say is true; this is quite an emotional roller coaster. It helps knowing that this is normal for early recovery, so at least I know that I'm not actually losing my mind. (Is normal the right word?) As for the weekend plans, I'm going to tell hubby that I would like to do something laid back, like a fun outing or something with the kids.

Lol Breakfree -- It's not hormones, but that is exactly how it feels. And supercongratulations on 21 days!

Well, I'm on Day ... let me look at my calendar ... 17. Is that right? Yep, just recounted. Day 17. Okay, that cheers me up. I'm definitely going to keep going.

Today's plan involves waiting for a repairman at the house. That gives me an excuse to catch up on a little rest, which will be nice. As an added bonus, I just cleaned the house yesterday, so no chores, aside from the easy daily stuff.

It's time to take the goofball out for his walk. I'll come back on here in a little while and reply to some posts.
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Old 11-29-2018, 04:01 AM
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Old 11-29-2018, 04:03 AM
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Thanks Dee

Great post Breakfree. I'm so glad you are feeling better sober, more positive and working through things. Hope you have a solid plan in place for your weekend away. You really don't need to drink at all next weekend. You can get through it sober and not throw all your achievements away. We're all here for you
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Old 11-29-2018, 05:21 AM
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Checking in on class. Day 4 and feeling better. Reading posts here is inspiring. Going for a walk, I find walking helps me fully realize how much better I feel. Thanks all... working thru this.
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Old 11-29-2018, 07:14 AM
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Thanks for the comment on Part 2, BF... my downtime with work should be a gift that helps propel me to that next stage in my life. There are so many things I could be doing or have already done.

I must be at the same part of the 30 Day Sobriety Solution that you are on because I was also reminded of the “Tapping Technique” when listening to the audiobook on my way home from work last night. I never really utilized it but will give it a chance. Like the light therapy and the medication, it can only help.

I am also finding Annie Grace’s podcasts the most helpful of all of the ones I have listened to so far. They are great to listen to on my commute home.

My only concern is that too much information at once may occasionally have a bit of a “burn out” effect for me. During the Thanksgiving holiday, I definitely let my guard down and did not use my resources which I seem to do in the early stages. Big mistake... I know.
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Old 11-29-2018, 07:50 AM
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I am on Day 11 and it feels great. Sleep comes and goes but even in the dead of night, I can wake up and feel happiness that when the morning comes, I will feel just fine. It is such an incredible feeling.

And my mornings are so calm. I can make poached eggs again because I am not shaking. The girls love that so much. And evenings are so luxurious and long. I can cook. Exercise. Write. Do homework with the kids and remember it. Play games with the girls and remember it. Read a cookbook and remember it. Listen to the radio and remember it. Watch the fire. Listen to a podcast and remember it. Think. Be grateful.

I am so thankful for all of it. My task from now on is to figure out why I gave all that up for so many years.

I love you Class of November 2018!!!
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Old 11-29-2018, 07:52 AM
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I'd like to join class of November. I have finally taken action on something I've know about for a few years and now need to make myself accountable and give myself a good kick up the a$$ get me off and running and keep moving forward and not looking back.
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Old 11-29-2018, 09:03 AM
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I have been alcohol-free for 21 days. I can’t remember the last time I hit this milestone. In fact, I can’t remember the last milestone I hit. I’m tired of what consuming alcohol was doing to me and the scales have FINALLY tipped.

This was me…

1. It had become the “same old, same old”. We were eating out nearly every night of the week and I was consuming way too much alcohol. I began to worry what people were thinking/saying about me. In essence, I was beginning to feel like a “loser”.

2. I was reaching near black out and full black out on the way home from each “drinking event.” We’d have sex and I wouldn’t remember, which made me feel cheap, shameful and “taken advantage of” (although I knew I wasn’t). The tipping point was when I’d come home and have conversations with my teens and not remember. Waking up in a panic became a frequent thing.

3. If we weren’t staying out after we ate, I’d make my husband stop at the store on the way home for alcohol and then I’d sit at my computer and drink until I could drink no more. And eat A TON to keep my stomach from protesting.

4. I was becoming that friend that wouldn’t leave. I didn’t want the party to end and it made me feel like a loser. I am shuttering right now at the memories.

5. I was beginning to look like a “bar fly”. The reflection I’d see in the mirror was “hagrid”. I felt so awful about myself I couldn’t stand it. It was the reflection of someone who had really let herself go.

6. I was not living. I was struggling to make it through each day. It was unhappiness. Misery.

7. In summary, I was beginning to hate the person I was becoming.

Twenty-one days later things are not perfect (as you know!), but *I* am better. I can think more clearly. I can breathe. I feel proud of myself. I feel stronger. My face is no longer bloated. I have shed a few pounds. My house is getting in order. I struggle to find positives because life is SO HARD right now, but I CAN say that NONE of the above (the numbered things) is part of my life anymore and for now, that is enough. I have hope.

Thank you - so much – for sharing your lives with me, being here and the support
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Old 11-29-2018, 09:14 AM
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Very well said, Breakfree! I can relate to all seven things you've listed to some degree or another. Except for maybe #4, because after leaving the party, I would just go home and drink more anyway.

Also, the fact that you feel so different in 21 days should be encouragement to anyone just starting out. I thought it would be months of suffering before I felt better, but that's really not the case.

Riker, enjoy your walk! I have been doing a lot of walking lately; it's a sanity saver.

Welcome, Phil!
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Old 11-29-2018, 09:46 AM
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Okay, I'm going to try this venting thing and see if it helps me feel better. This is going to be long and probably incoherent. Here goes:

My 8-year-old little girl wants to do an activity. My husband said yes, and he told me to go ahead and sign her up. Oh, she was so excited. Wouldn't stop talking about it. Then yesterday, just as we were going to go, he starts back pedaling. It costs a lot of money, the times aren't convenient, and so on.

Okay, he had all the information he needed to make a decision at the time when he gave the okay. If we can afford going out to eat as often as we do, we can afford this. If cost is an issue, how about we cut out one of those restaurant visits each weekend.

And the timing issue is just nonsense, since I would be the one taking her.

It would be good for her, and she doesn't have an activity outside of school. We've been talking about this for a long time, and he agreed with me that we should find something healthy and fun for her to do.

It would be different if this were a one-time thing. Okay, so you need more time to think things over sometimes, I get that. But for **** sake, do we have to do this over everything?

I'm used to him doing **** like this and letting people down, but I can't take her disappointed little face. She doesn't ask for much, and she probably will learn to stop asking for anything if she knows her parents' words mean nothing. Because I told her that I would sign her up, thinking my husband was cool with it. You know, because he ****** SAID he was cool with it.

I'm sure he was drinking when he initially agreed that she could do this. Which is why I brought it up several times, to make sure he remembered and actually meant what he said for once.

It's as if he has no clue what if feels like to be a little kid excited to do something. And of course we say no to lots of things, and kids need to learn to deal. But don't keep saying yes and then changing it to no. How is she supposed to trust us if our words mean nothing?

No, I'm not letting this one go, **** that. I'm going to calmly remind him of our previous conversations, and unless unforeseen circumstances have come up (they haven't), he needs to keep his word.

*SIGH* I'm so tired of this.


Last edited by Dee74; 11-29-2018 at 01:52 PM.
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Old 11-29-2018, 09:48 AM
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Hi. Back to day 1. I chose to drink last week after our credit card number was stolen and used. What a fiasco. Now looking back I really wish I hadn't chosen to drink.
No way but forward now. I need a better plan to deal with life's little set backs.
I am going to attend a smart meeting this evening. Besides that the plan today is lots of fluids, nourishing foods, rest and above all do not drink.
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Old 11-29-2018, 10:33 AM
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CaseyW?...

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Old 11-29-2018, 10:50 AM
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Afternoon, late check-in for me. My arse has been dragging today after the event last night. Actually had a good time, and enjoyed the live music and conversation. I didn't notice one person who seemed to have overdone it, and even more curiously how controlled and slowly others sipped their drinks as we talked. That was and will never be me. Damn amateurs.

BF - way to clock 3 weeks! Very honest, real list you posted. When we look through sober eyes at how it really was - what we did, how we felt and how unhappy we were - it's quite astounding the lengths we went to as we continued to justify our drinking and accept the miserable consequences. The choice seems so clear now, and the bit of struggles now seem to pale in comparison. You really do have this.

RAL - sorry for your weather woes. As you say, "calm and sober". That is Word.

TJ - I like your introspection and decision to not make a move until your sobriety is stronger. Those with longer-term sobriety seem to say we shouldn't take on too much or make any big life changes this early on. I know I've got some weighty life decisions to make but want more sober time and clarity of mind under my belt.

CP - pecan pie is also a major weakness of mine this time of year. Can't say I felt too guilty over my gluttony last week but pretty soon my waistline is going to have a long chat with me.

Bonnie - sorry you have conflicting feelings and stressors with your anniversary and daughter's activity. As a member of the Y chromosome contingent that clearly knows very little about which he speaks, I know that real time, in the moment communication from my wife works best and minimizes ongoing resentment. My wife often says we have a failure to communicate, but I maintain we have a failure to resolve conflict. I've concluded that marriage and relationships are harder than being sober!

Hi Phil, Citrus, Bronco and everyone else.
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Old 11-29-2018, 11:04 AM
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Glad you're still with us, Citrus.
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Old 11-29-2018, 11:11 AM
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Afternoon, late check-in for me. My arse has been dragging today after the event last night. Actually had a good time, and enjoyed the live music and conversation. I didn't notice one person who seemed to have overdone it, and even more curiously how controlled and slowly others sipped their drinks as we talked. That was and will never be me. Damn amateurs.

BF - way to clock 3 weeks! Very honest, real list you posted. When we look through sober eyes at how it really was - what we did, how we felt and how unhappy we were - it's quite astounding the lengths we went to as we continued to justify our drinking and accept the miserable consequences. The choice seems so clear now, and the bit of struggles now seem to pale in comparison. You really do have this.

RAL - sorry for your weather woes. As you say, "calm and sober". That is Word.

TJ - I like your introspection and decision to not make a move until your sobriety is stronger. Those with longer-term sobriety seem to say we shouldn't take on too much or make any big life changes this early on. I know I've got some weighty life decisions to make but want more sober time and clarity of mind under my belt.

CP - pecan pie is also a major weakness of mine this time of year. Can't say I felt too guilty over my gluttony last week but pretty soon my waistline is going to have a long chat with me.

Bonnie - sorry you have conflicting feelings and stressors with your anniversary and daughter's activity. As a member of the Y chromosome contingent that clearly knows very little about which he speaks, I know that real time, in the moment communication from my wife works best and minimizes ongoing resentment. My wife often says we have a failure to communicate, but I maintain we have a failure to resolve conflict. I've concluded that marriage and relationships are harder than being sober!

Hi Phil, Citrus, Bronco and everyone else.

Last edited by Chaisson; 11-29-2018 at 11:12 AM. Reason: ...moved to new thread
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Old 11-29-2018, 11:24 AM
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Good afternoon. Decided to take a moment to vent just a tad. So please bear with me and let me get this out.

I received 37 email messages from my ex-wife yesterday. All of which had to do with the fact that my daughter is having surgery today and my ex is going to have to write a check and she wants a boatload of money from me. In her first couple of emails she was saying that I owed her a bunch of money for my portion of the out-of-pocket medical expenses that have happened over the last few years. We've already gone to court over this issue this past summer. I have a court order dated July 20, 2018 signed by her attorney, my attorney and the judge stating that I was paid up through that date and owed her nothing.

I pointed this out to her in responding to the first couple of emails, even sending her a pdf copy of the court order. Made no difference. Started threatening to have me thrown in jail (she and her lawyer request that in EVERY filing they have made post-divorce, one of which happens about every 2-3 months) and various other things unless I paid her the amount she said I owed her RIGHT NOW. I quit responding and just kept forwarding them to my attorney.

I didn't drink yesterday but I am so tired of this bs. I was literally shaking before I read the first email and then when I told her she was incorrect she just blew up. I didn't even know my daughter was having surgery and still don't know where or what for. I just want any dealings I have with her to be done and over for good. She is just a toxic person and I can't have that kind of contact with her if I want to keep my sanity and my sobriety.

Thanks for reading that. Rant ended. Did have a good evening at IOP last night and stopped briefly to help my friend put her kids to bed afterwards. Tonight's agenda will involve helping her 13 year old finish his Argentina project and then helping him with his algebra homework. Very much looking forward to every bit of that. 29 days today, with yesterday by far being my most serious test to date. I read on here a lot last night after I got home. Y'all are a great help to me. Thank you.
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Old 11-29-2018, 12:06 PM
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Congrats on 3 weeks Breakfree

SOrry to hear that cirtrus but great to have you back
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Old 11-29-2018, 01:02 PM
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Wow, dafunbra. If I received 37 e-mails from anyone I'd feel stressed, let alone from an ex who I've had a bad falling out with. Glad you stayed strong. I think you'll find that times where it is stereotypical for others to drink (times of high stress) are the absolute best times to stay sober. This way, you can let the external craziness pile up on itself rather than getting drunk and possibly participating in it.

---

Today is 51 days for me. I had to go back and count because I had stopped counting. The number is nice to know, but what is more important to me is my dedication to stop drinking. I don't think about drinking much these days except for when I'm bored, but even then the thought isn't a temptation, but rather a reminder of the state of things: "time seems slower because you're used to drinking to pass the time."

I keep myself busy, work hard. Not worried about parties nor do I have a "fear of missing out." Christmas and New Years will be fine. There will be parties upon parties until the end of time, I can miss a few. I'm not ready to go back into those environments yet. Having all of this sober time has really led me back to figuring out who I am, something I seem to have tried to put off by staying drunk. The journey has just begun, it feels like.
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