I love that word normal. What even is it? I think the people that try the hardest to appear 'normal' are the strangest to me. And when I look around and ponder all those normal people, I am comparing my inner feelings about myself to their external 'appearance'. That's not a fair viewpoint. Who knows what's really going on in their 'normal' heads. I know for sure that I rarely view myself the way others view me. Ah reality.....so distorted.
Sounds like alcohol is no longer working for you. And trust me, if you continue to drink that will get worse. So what's the option? If something is killing me, I should probably stop doing it and do whatever it takes to stay stopped. What have you tried, what kind of plan have you executed on in the past?