Tinkerbeau

So ive spent the weekend saturday and sunday drinking far to much again, i have barely slept all niggt with sweats and heart palpitations i hate myself im a disgusting mess. I have to go to work but i feel ill again !!! I need this to stop i can not control alcohol i want this nightmare out of my life. Why cant i seem to stop it, im so sick of it. I want to be free of it. I want to be normal.

Dee74

I had to start putting as much effort into not drinking as I used to into drinking TB.

I don't know what starts you off but looking at that - and finding new ways to deal with whatever that is - is a good place to start

Have you checked out the November support thread?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-1-a-13.html

D

Delilah1

Welcome back! Dee's post is spot on, and his link to the November class is a great idea. As the holidays approach having a plan is going to be really important. I logged into here numerous times throughout the day in the beginning to read and post. I have found exercise, especially walking/hiking outdoors and mindfulness to be very helpful. I also read many great recovery books in the beginning, and the connections I made to the author helped me see what could be when I stopped drinking for good. You can do this, and I promise it's worth it.

August252015

Glad you are here.

Finding a new normal has been more than worth it for me.

entropy1964

I love that word normal. What even is it? I think the people that try the hardest to appear 'normal' are the strangest to me. And when I look around and ponder all those normal people, I am comparing my inner feelings about myself to their external 'appearance'. That's not a fair viewpoint. Who knows what's really going on in their 'normal' heads. I know for sure that I rarely view myself the way others view me. Ah reality.....so distorted.

Sounds like alcohol is no longer working for you. And trust me, if you continue to drink that will get worse. So what's the option? If something is killing me, I should probably stop doing it and do whatever it takes to stay stopped. What have you tried, what kind of plan have you executed on in the past?

Tinkerbeau

Thank you all for your comments i do need to try harder to not drink and put more effort into being sober than trying to rationalize drinking, i think i just feel so overwhelmed by life at times i dont know any other coping method. So stupid. I have dragged myself through work today feeling ill upset and ashamed, i want to be a better person and a always present mam, not this pathetic alcohol addicted loser.

readyt0change

hey Tinker.. want you know i'm on day 1 again as well.

The last 2 days I went out, spent a good amount of money and got wasted.

Hoping things turn around for the both of us.

PinnacleOR

I certainly don't think you're pathetic or a loser. You're an alcoholic, like me and many on here, and for that matter millions of people in the world. You came here to post about your experience, which takes strength in itself.

People suffer, unfortunately it's the human condition. Others battle depression, gambling addiction, self harm, poverty, violence, you name it. Alcoholism was in the cards I was dealt - I figure I can either have a pity party, or I can do something about it, and eventually find the strength to help others. I've quit many times and relapsed, but I refuse to quit quitting!

We can learn other coping methods, they are out there being used by others all the time. First is to tell yourself you can do this, you've got the strength, and you love yourself enough to try again!

Dee74

You're not alone - we all start from that point, or close to it. I had no idea how to deal with my overwhelming life sober, but I learned, bit by bit, situation by situation.

I ended up discovering that I was stronger and more capable than I ever knew - but my addiction wanted me to think otherwise

D

thomas11

"i think i just feel so overwhelmed by life at times i dont know any other coping method."

Bingo, that's a hurdle you'll have to get over. If you are able to get sober (and you can) you'll find that drinking is a lot of work.

ElizaD

You can do it, Tinkerbeau, just take it one day at a time.

least

In order to stay sober, you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. Simple, not easy, but worth the effort.

Kdon853

Ayers

You can do this, but only if you want to more than anything else.
A decision made in your heart as well as in your head.

The drinking is most probably a big contributor to making you feel overwhelmed. It is exactly how I felt, overwhelmed by my life. The moment I eliminated the drinking, all the other things started feeling manageable.

Just keep trying. Don't give up.

Hevyn

Hi Tinkerbeau. You sound disgusted & ready to get free.

I, too, thought of it as a way to cope with troubles - but it is not. It keeps us weak, vulnerable - and yes, pathetic. Unable to deal with things in a clear headed way. It's holding you down. Time to let go of it & lead a new life. We know you can!

Tinkerbeau

Thank you all for your comments, i really appreciate your support. Its so simple and true that i do need to want to be sober more than drunk, and i do, its just when the thought of drinking gets in my head, i just seem to give in so easily and block out all reasons i know not to drink. Im determined to try very hard though and beat this, i will be 40 next year and want to be free of alcohol as ive wasted enough of my life already. Well day 2 now, still feel rubbish and just want to sit and cry, but onwards and upwards i hope

Fearlessat50

Hi TB, how are you doing today? You are not alone here. You are not stupid or pathetic for feeling overwhelmed by life and using alcohol to cope. All of us have been where you are. Alcohol is how we learned to cope because unfortunately that’s how we perceive others coping in society and it’s so widely available. Then it became a habit. Some of us are more susceptible to alcoholism than others because of our genetic makeup, life circumstances, etc.

Now that you are aware this is a problem, it’s time to make serious changes in your thinking and behavior and learn new ways of coping with life’s ups and downs. Checking in regularly to SR is a good way to start. I also ramped up exercise, do yoga and individual therapy. Many do AA or Smart Recovery. There’s so much support out there.

Most of us here have found moderation is no longer an option once you’ve tipped the scales. I wouldn’t want to go back to it anyway. Life is so much better completely sober.

Anna

Good job on Day 2! I hope you feel better soon.

My suggestion is to have a plan in place. You will get cravings and the only way to manage cravings is to get through them so they become easier. Write down a plan as to how you will deal with the next craving. Going out for a walk is always a good idea, listening to music, calling a friend, whatever will work for you. You can be the person you want to be.

Tinkerbeau

Thank you, yes that is so true i have perceived alcohol as a normal coping method for society, when of course its not that way for most. And yes life struggles have definitely been my reason to turn to alcohol more than i should have. Its a cycle i need to break now.
i defo need a better plan, it's weekends when i struggle more as think i get lonely and dont seem to have much to look forward to.

OceanGuy

For me it was waking up sweaty from a horrible nightmare and thinking depressing thoughts. Then, I dry-heaved and thought "Why am I doing this to myself?"

I remembered that exact moment and use it now whenever the AV starts trying to whisper in my ear. It's like an auto-lock on any fleeting feelings of going down to the store and getting some tall cans. I can finally play the tape forward in my head in real time and halt the process from even happening.

I'm glad that you are feeling better but fear that you'll be like me and say to yourself: "Oh, look at that, you're doing well now. You can handle just a couple of beers. You're feeling great and can cut it off when you want to; just a couple won't hurt." Of course, I'd slide right back into the next big binge.

Do you have any hobbies that can help to take your mind off of drinking? Or a plan in place?